Frustrated...

[5xFive]

I recently lost my job. I’ve worked in dental offices for 13 years and I have a lot of management experience. I’ve decided to try my hand at a work from home business and I’ve been working on a proposal for a dr that may be open to my idea. I’ve been working on it for the last 2 days but it’s somethibg I’ve been thinking about for about 9 months. I have something written up and when it’s ready, I’m going to email it over. Yesterday morning, uBPDh came back from work after an overnight shift. He was playing his game and talking to me, so I handed him a printout if my proposal, told him what it was and how excited I was about it and asked if he would look it over and give me any suggestions or edits. He said ok and put it on the table next to him. He never even glanced at it! Then today I emailed it to his work email, knowing that may be the only way to get him to read it. He is a fabulous creative writer, so I really think his input is important here. He called me while I was checking out at the grocery store and even after I TOLD him I was checking out, he proceeded to give me edits over the phone. Until he got frustrated by the checkout beeps and hung up on me. Lol. Then he got home from work, and he didn’t want to talk about it. So I made the changes he and I had discussed, and I then sent it to my step mom who has her masters in English lit. I told him while we were cooking dinner that I did so and he got MAD at me! Not only did he get mad that I sent it to her to look at, he is now totally refusing to help me with it. HE wanted to help me but I went and asked someone else. In my opinion, the more people who give me advice, the better! I’m so frustrated that he’s refusing to help. I feel like he took it personally and he’s now punishing me. Can you help me work through this? What is this about? Fear of abandonment? Isn’t it better to have as many eyes on a proposal as possible to make it pop and shine? What am I missing?

[AskingWhy]

Monucka, welcome.

I am sorry your are facing these confusing behaviors. 

Your H might be a pwBPD, but there may also be other factors

A perceptual or cognitive problem?  Asperger's?  Or maybe NPD?  In your gut feelings, you know something is not right.

What you said of your H is that he was totally oblivious to the fact you were in a grocery line. 

People with AS have a very rigid and methodical way of thinking.   They can also be very intelligent. high functioning and creative people. 

On the other hand, people with BPD or NPD lack empathy.  They are totally into themselves and the moment. 

It's really hard to tell, but I suspect there may be several variables to your husband's behaviour.

The punishing behavior is very typical of BPD.

Have you thought about counseling for yourself as you examine your relationship with your uBPD H?