New here. My introduction

[Soretoes]

Hi everyone
I have only just found this site today. Also ordered the book “Walking on eggshells” which I will get in a few days.
I am a single mother and live with a twenty year old daughter who seems to have BPD. The last few days have been typical of what living with her has been like for the past few years. More or less from when she was 16. She lives in her room having dropped out of school. She appears to have no friends. She constantly demands things from me - money, cigarettes weed (because I’m stressed). She is instantly abusive when these things are not given to her. She shouts and swears at me, tells me what a disgusting mother I am. She doesn’t lift a finger in the house and blames her whole miserable existence on me. It’s apparently my fault she is unhappy, self harms, takes overdoses, is depressed and so on. Her last OD was two days ago. She sent me a message to say she was barricaded in her room, had taken a box of diazepam and “bye bye”. I called the police and ambulance. All the time she was in the hospital she told everyone that I had caused her to do this because I am so nasty to her.  I had refused to give her 20 for weed that day. Of course she didn’t mention that. The hour trip back from the hospital she screamed at me non stop. Once home she asked me to buy her some chocolate and a coke ... when I said no she asked me what I was sulking about. Normally I would say all her interactions with me are to ask for something followed by hours of abuse if she doesn’t get her own way.The hospital made a next day appointment for her to see her psychiatrist but she refused to go.  Any and all responses to this will be more than welcome. Thanks for reading this far.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[pessim-optimist]

Hello Soretoes,
Welcome to this board!

You are in a really hard place right now. It's unimaginably stressful and overwhelming to be trapped in a cycle of abuse while fearing for your child's life.

As strange as it may sound, the most important thing in your situation right now is to be able to "take a break" when it gets too much.
It will enable you to keep your sanity, gain some perspective and balance and have energy to deal better with what comes your way.

Just getting away from the house to go for a walk or to go shopping, or even just taking a relaxing bath or stealing time to read a book or listen to music -whatever makes you happy and enables you to recharge.

As far as helping your daughter, there are skills you can learn to better navigate the situations you are dealing with - that will make your life more safe and peaceful and offer opportunities for your daughter to work on herself and get better.

With those skills, your life WILL get better. The dynamics in your relationship will change. As far as your child, you can only set up the opportunities the rest will be up to her... .

The book you ordered is a very good starter, also, there are lots of good resources on this site - when you have the chance, you can click on the links in the right side panel.

Do you have someone in your life that can support you emotionally in all this?