Hi joanni
Welcome to bpdfamily, I'm sorry what brings you here though glad you reached out for support, many parents are as you'll read in similar situations, you are not alone. It's very upsetting behaviour being lashed out and not uncommon for some people to have difficulty moving on from past issues you describe, falling into a repeated pattern. There are tools and lessons to the right of your screen

that help us change the way we communicate to improve relationships, and include tools for diffusing emotions to help bring back to baseline. How do you respond when your daughter lashes out?
We are here for you.
WDx