What do you do?

[gtuhh]

What can you do when you discover your grown daughter has been posting to this and other sites with hateful lies and half truths... .mostly but not only about you?

You all trusted that her words were truth and you encouraged and supported her.
With that encouragement she 'painted me black' and went no contact for almost 5 years. She is most eloquent and writes/speaks with conviction. She has no compunction about lying and does so right to my face. She proudly insists she is a trickster.
 
I do not think she still posts here but I know she posts on another site with tales that anyone who knows her would know they were not true.

I believe she posts as a victim for attention and validation.  Her biological mother(my sister) was very much like that. She was mentally ill.Part of what I know is she was bipolar and dillusional. Despite repeated rehab and arrests and the occassional institutionalization she did not change much even when she took her meds. Her biological father was psychotic and spent many years in prison for crimes against children. They both are dead. I do not miss the turmoil, bullying, agression, etc...

I still have to deal with my daughter's bullying, agression, and manipulation. When she started this behavior around 12/13 she made no effort to hide her tales. It seemed that she expected others to accept whatever reality she chose to champion that day. She seemed to honestly believe her version of reality. I say 'seemed' because I am no expert in this area. She went violent and abusive as well as filthy. She started cutting herself.
From the time she was in her early teens she was taller and heavier than I am. I was somewhat afraid of her.
Though over the years I made new family with friends my heart still has a daughter shaped hole. She and my nephew(her biological brother) are the only blood family left to me though I rarely see them.

What can I do? I am tired and ill. I am not sure I have much left.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[wendydarling]

Hi gtuhh

Welcome   I'm glad you've joined us, you reached out for support, many parents are dealing with similar behaviours you describe, it hurts and it's hard to understand, your heart has a daughter shaped hole. I admire you, through all, you've done your very best, been there for her and you've take care of you made your friends family.

What can you do? Be with us   keep posting and learning with us, you are not alone 

ghuut when did you last see your daughter, how's your nephew coping?

WDx

[gtuhh]

I last saw my daughter about three weeks ago.
She was smoking not a cigarette and was uncharacteristicly communicative. Although she still told me that what I thought and liked was not valid and the usual stuff that I needed to do the way she thought was best, she was almost pleasant about it. There was no real agression.
I am embarassed to say that aside from waiting for the other shoe to drop (which it never did that day) I almost liked that she was smoking. I guess it helped that I just went along with what she said.
I see her maybe a couple of times a year.
We text. She ignores my texts for days on end and doesnt answer most of my texts.  She boasts that she ignores almost everyone's texts until she feels like answering. (I think she likes the feel of 'control' But I text anyway in hope that one day some bit of caring will crack the code.
Also she insists that I should not call her on the phone which I find odd because I hate to talk on the phone and she knows that.

As for my nephew, I rarely ever see him for more than a few minutes a year and only once alone. I cannot tell much how he is now but he is very controlling with his wife and kids. When he was young he was in and out of counseling and juvenile detention. He was violent and destructive. He was raised by another family and from what little I saw they were not kind.

I will not give up hope but I wear bite gloves when I reach out a hand.