Im really glad I found this site! I have been in a serious on again off again relationship with what I consider a BPD female. We have been together for almost 4 years and every time we have a disagreement or argument its like “someone has to die” and the BPD ends up packing her things and leaving my home. We rarely have been able to have a regular disagreement where it ends with things being ok. The longest we have been apart is 10 days, shortest time of return is 2 days. In the beginning I chased her back, more recently I have relied on going NO Contact and she comes back.
Im a single full time dad (42yrs old) raising a 4yr old daughter by myself. My BPD fiancé (33yrs old) is the only female my daughter has know other than her mother, and my BPD fiance has a 10yr old daughter as well... .
I have been in the process of bettering myself and sold my home and was in the process of getting a new mortgage to purchase a new home. I had to sell and get my equity out of the house bc my fiancé had drained me financially and emotionally to the point where I wouldn't work. Luckily I own a very successful business that takes little involvement on my part, however if I worked my business would profit much more. My BPD just happened to go 30 days late on her car note which we are both signed on. I think it was purposely done to hinder my potential growth away from her. It resulted in us having a knock down drag out fight and she left again, this time I was determined to NEVER return. I went 100% NO CONTACT, in times we have split up in the past its usually less than 5 days before someone initiates contact again, we honeymoon and the pattern starts again.
However this last split was unique…. on the 9th day on No Contact my BPD gf reached out and wanted to come and face to face talk. We met at my home and I was told she’s pregnant… We slept together that day, everything seemed fine like she wanted to be a family, I bought it hook like and sinker. The next day we meet for lunch, she cold, ___y and I wasn’t having it so I dismiss her. The next 2 days was like the sex olympics everything seemed back on track and on the 4th day I mentioned something I heard her 10yr old did and all of a sudden Im a terrorist in her life and she leaves…
So here I’am back at square one, new mortgage is about to close. My BPD gf loves my new house, but after her 10yr old daughter incident she wants nothing to do with it… SO No Contact again…
Her first Doctors appointment is next week, she was also supposed to go to therapy. She now will not see a therapist but wants me to go to the doctor appointment. I need to support my unborn child but also need to protect myself and the relationship from any further damage she can cause since we will be in each other lives now forever… After 2 days of silence (yesterday) I text her to ask her the place and time of the Doctors appointment so I could meet her there, no response... .
I don’t want to let go but the craziness need to subside, I want the wife, the house and the white picket fence. She knows Im extremely financially secure, but again part of me feels like I need to protect myself from her and walk away. I think its also important to share that she claimed she was pregnant before to return to the relationship, however I never saw the "positive" pregnancy test. She stayed off her birth control, or sex life continued. I can only assume she is being honest this time about the pregnancy. When we are around each other she is extremely moody, much worse than normal. She has physical signs of pregnancy as well.
I don’t want to be a single dad of 2 young kids w/2 mothers at 42yrs old trying to enter the dating world. I see a therapist regularly who thinks she is BPD, she is text book "I hate you , but don't leave me". In times when we are apart she will block me on Facebook & Instagram, not remove all of her belongings from my home, she continues to pay our joint car insurance and refuses to refinance her vehicle into her own name... .essentially maintaining several connections me to me.
I'm honestly so messed up in the head I'm not even sure she's pregnant, at this point she could tell me the sky is blue and I would look to verify. However with this pregnancy I have seen no proof other than physical changes, but maybe she has gas?
Any advise and direction would help!
Thanks
