BPD daughter who leaves home for days at a time to pick up guys...

[bobandrita]

I'm new to this board. My 20y/o daughter diagnosed with BPD leaves home to pick up and have sex with random men.  I could set a boundary, but how and what? Tell her she can't come home? She doesn't work much... .earns about $100/month, so can't support herself.
Any ideas?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[livednlearned]

Oof, that's tough  

She must be feeling so empty and lonely, bobandrita.

Have you had any conversations with her about her behavior? Do you notice any patterns that go along with her behavior?

My SD20 had what I considered risky behavior with men (and women) online. I'm not sure if that extended to other kinds of in-person risky behaviors.

It is challenging to set a boundary over behaviors that we cannot control. That's how boundaries are defined here -- they have to be something over which we control. And ultimatums don't typically work with people who struggle with impulsivity and emotional dysregulation. There may be other skills that help her connect how she feels with her behavior, that make it easier for you to meet her where she's at.

Has your daughter had any DBT? Is she self-aware about her BPD?

LnL

[bobandrita]

 She is not aware of her diagnosis as she was originally told by her psychiatrist that it was major depression with psychosis. Later, she gave him permission to communicate with us and he told us he had determined it was BPD, but had not told her. She is now in residential treatment house but is threatening to leave and already did leave once. Our boundary was that she couldn’t come home because she can’t be safe here. But that could Mean she ends up homeless on the street. Nevertheless her behavior here was still Risky and they all she’s been on a 5150 5 times since June.

[livednlearned]

I know how corrosive and consuming the worry can be  

It's a grief that can make daily living a real challenge. Are you getting support from therapists, friends, or family?

Shari Manning's Loving Someone with BPD was an important book for me because it described skills that I could practice on anyone. Might that be something that could help you, too?

Do you see your daughter while she's in the treatment center?