contact with daughter

[Leah bat Avraham]

Hi,after 24 years with my Borderline daughter I finally came to the end of my rope last year and broke of contact.
Moved to a  different(unknown)location since she e-mailed evererybody possible(work,friends etc.)with most vicious lies about me.As I am sure I am not the only one in this situation,I feel so alone and sad;beyond words...
If there is any possibility to have any kind of relationship it would be wonderful,any advice?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Wanttounderstand]

Leah, After 25 years my BPD daughter did the severing of our family relationship and disappeared six months ago. Absolutely no contact. We had tried everything from Meds and counseling to a 30-day residential treatment. We had court dates, attorneys, ER visits, psychotic breaks etc... .We took all the lies she was spreading, and her anger and hatred, all the while paying for a car, insurance, college tuition, books and living expenses. None of that made a difference.

So I guess now, thanks to her going AWOL we are trying out something new. She is out there on her own with no financial help from us. I pray several times a day that God will bring her back, or be there for her as she learns some lessons and matures. I have heard that as BPD's get older they develop better coping skills so relationships may get better, but that hasn't happened for us. Can anyone out there attest to that?

Our dd has put us and her brother through hell and back starting at about 13. Trying to placate her didn't work, but I'm not sure tough love will either. She just plain doesn't like us. Our voices make her cringe. She Doesn't want to be around us and is happier not dealing with us at all in her life. I sometimes wonder how there are parents out there that truly abuse their children in horrible ways and their children still love them. Yet we have been very stable, nurturing, attentive and supportive parents and we don't deserve even a phone call. Soo hard!

We got the "I Hate You" part, but not the ":)on't Leave Me". Divine intervention is the only way I see things ever changing. I'm hurt and confused on a daily basis but I have to still be able to enjoy life even though my little girl that I poured myself into loving is gone.

[Feeling Better]

Hi Leah

Yes, you are right, you are not alone, there are many parents who post on this board that are experiencing the same problems as you.

I understand why you decided to break contact with your daughter, she hurt you and you did what you could to protect yourself.

My story is slightly different to yours in that a year ago my uBPD son decided to break contact with me and I am struggling to work out how to reconnect. I have done a lot of reading to try and educate myself about this disorder, I am also trying to improve my communication skills.

It is difficult, I know, trying to work out what the best course of action is, bearing in mind that your daughter could choose to ignore you if you decide to contact her.

You say that you moved to a different (unknown) location, does that mean that your daughter doesn’t know where you are?

Has your daughter contacted you at all?

I am sorry that I am not able to offer more at the moment, but my thoughts are with you x