Dealing with custody and an ex with BPD

[mamaofher]

My 7 year old daughter is being negatively affected by my ex, his disorder is causing her great emotional harm. How do I get the courts to understand this?

[ForeverDad]

Does she have a counselor?  Courts love counseling even if they're not overly concerned about a parent's negative influence.  Odds are that if you ask for a counselor that the court will agree.  Just make sure you have the authority to select one without ex's interference (or you make a short list of solid counselors not easily gullible or intimidated and ask the court to have him select one).

Courts don't seem much concerned about a diagnosis.  We may see clear indications of Personalit Disorder(s) but courts generally studiously avoid wandering into mental health territory.  They do't try to fix people, they deal with them as they are.  Courts foccus on the poor behaviors and addressing those, so we do well to have a similar approach in court.  Present your documentation of the poor behaviors and behavior patterns and present your solutions to the problems.  Courts prefer to have the parents come up with solutions.  You know your ex won't so it's up to you to be the problem solving parent.  It won't adopt all your ideas but in time it ought to discern who is the problem and who has the solutions.

Perhaps you could give us some examples of the issues and we could give our suggestions and experiences.

[livednlearned]

I'm really sorry your daughter is being emotionally harmed

What kind of custody arrangement is in place?

What are some of the behaviors your ex is engaging in?

There are some helpful skills recommended by experts, if you feel the abuse might be some version of parental alienation.

Hope you're doing ok. Let us know more when you can.

LnL