He Came On To Me At His Work

[roseabell]

So I have been discarded by my uBPD ex.  I have been trying to get hold of him to talk about things, and try to explain to him about his behaviour towards me.  He has stated on Facebook that he is in a relationship with someone else.  I have known him for 2 1/12 years.

So at his work, in his office, during office hours (lunch time), he took me up to his office.  Then proceeded to demonstrate that he was sexually aroused, wanted to throw me across the desk and rip my clothes off.  Told me he wanted me, the intensity was electric between us, and that he wanted to hold me, hug me, kiss me.

Told me he had zero sex drive with new girlfriend of just a few weeks, and that he got different things from her and me.  He told me that we had an incredible connection together and it was also an emotional connection that he felt with me.

All this despite telling me that he was in a relationship with someone else.  I asked him to stop talking to me like that as it wasn't fair to me, and that all of this was taking its toll on me.  I asked him to come round to my house the next day to talk and he agreed. Then proceeded to tell me that he wanted to hug me, hold me, stroke my hair etc.  I left feeling actually traumatised as he knows how I feel about him.

All of this in his work place?  I feel that I am painted white every time he is around me.  He also gets aroused within minutes of seeing me.  Any insight?

[Harley Quinn]

Does this fit with the behaviour during the r/s or have things shifted since your split and the introduction of the new g/f?  I'm wondering if he is hoping that you would be prepared to rekindle and be together alongside the other r/s.  It certainly sounds that way from what he said to you about getting different things from the two of you.  I'm curious to know if this is different to the way you were treated when together.

Love and light x

[roseabell]

Harley Quinn - he was always very sexual towards me, but it was a mutual thing.  I just find it really difficult when he says that there is so much he wants to do with me.  Also that he is telling me that I am wonderful, beautiful etc but chose to go away and get into a relationship with someone else, despite telling me that he wasn't in a mental state to be in a relationship.

He also told me at this time that when he was complimenting me that he was big and fat (he is obese), and that I was wonderful etc.  I pointed out that was his insecurity right there. I believe that the closeness that we had has triggered his abandonment issues and thats how he has pushed me away.  IHe keeps saying that I am out of his league and he has to keep away.  He says that when he is around me that he just wants me and can't handle it. 

At this time he also said that we were very volatile together.  The truth is we were both really chilled when together, on same wavelength, always very relaxed, so the volatility I think is a result of his lack of object constancy.  He is also on dating sites every day, but I think just to chat. A friend also told me that 1 month after his 16 year marriage he started dating, and she said that he couldn't handle being on his own.

When we were together he was always asking what I liked about him, what I liked about us being together, if he was my man.  Always looking for reassurance.  I never gave him any reason to doubt me.  He was always telling me how amazing I was in every way, and how much it was a privilige being with me. 

Since then he has been ignoring my efforts to get in touch and talk with him further.  Complete 180 spin on things again.  I was pointing out his behaviour and trying to explain to him where it was coming from.  Post breakup he would text me to arrange to meet me (his idea), then cancel on the same day saying that he had to stop this as it wasn't fair on me, and that he had disrespected me?  Then text 2 min later asking what I liked about being with him.

 am looking for affirmation from anyone that this definitely sounds like BPD as I have read loads on the subject and he ticks all the boxes for me.