Hi there, RollerMom75,
I've been out of the boards for a time. Yours is the 1st post I read in weeks. It is hard to see so much pain in "our family", so I can't begin to understand how much pain you're going through.
Our marriage was terrible because I put my son first instead of him.
That is exactly what you had to do. You can't control the aftermath of things, but you do the right thing, because it is the thing you can control.
It's terribly hard when the person we love has to do something to survive, or to have a chance to be happy, and that something is leaving us. We might understand perfectly their reasons, but we want to be part of the solution: Why can't they just understand that we are on their team? How can they be OK with doing this to us?
They're not, they might be devastated, or they have to throw layers and layers of defensive mechanisms to not think about it. But there is no way around that experience, but through. As you said, the only way to have him back is to let him go first. In my opinion.
It must have been terrible to hear about the pregnancy and then the probable miscarriage. I'm so very sorry. Racionally, it must be a blessing that it won't go through, people will tell you that, but emotionally, it must have been a terrible blow.
He has provoked a really big crisis in your life. And he has his way of dealing with it. You need to find your way to dealing with yours. Crisis are here to shape us in the being we are destined to become. You need to focus on yourself. At your own pace, allowing yourself to mourn and feel despair. Because how couldn't you?
Was there a history of bad blood between his mother and you?
I have two sons too, 6 and 11, and they are very damaged. It's not fair for them or for anybody, and I know it makes things very difficult. At any given time you don't know if you are doing the best for everybody, or if that's even possible.
I wish you the best of luck, and we are here to listen, and help you in the modest way we can. Take one day at a time.
