Devastated by the treatment from my granddaughter

[Maralv]

Hi I am new to this site. I’m here because I’ve been devastated by
The treatment from my granddaughter. She had been living
With us for the second time in so many months (she is 18) having
Come over here crying for over an hour and saying her mother wouldn’t help her
As far as paying for any therapy. So I let her come live here again. She was sweet at first ,she went to all of her therapy appointments and was pretty much well behaved. She would hug me every day and tell me she loved me. Then all of a sudden she didn’t want to go to therapy anymore and everything went bad. She left all of a sudden one day , and I mean all of a sudden!, calling me horrible names and tells my me to get the “f” out of the way, that I was crazy, etc. it was a complete change in personality. I tried to text her and tell her I loved her and see what was going on and it seemed to just make her angrier. I’m devastated because I was so close to her ever since she was born and now she seems to hate me. I tried to not contact her and succeeded for 3 weeks and then got so worried about her because she was not eating when she left that I went to her house and knocked on the door. I basically subjected myself to abuse all over again. Now I’m starting-over and am 5 days having not contacted her. Not contacted her- a person I used to talk to every day. I so much want to completely just not care.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[heartandwhole]

Hi Maralv,



I'm so sorry to hear of your hurt and worry over your granddaughter. That is so difficult to go through. I don't think it will be possible for you not to care about her, no matter what she does, but you can learn to detach with love and feel better. 

Members here understand what you are going through, and there are lots of tools on the site that can help make the relationship better.

Where is your granddaughter living right now? Is she safe?

Do you have a good support system around you—friends and other family whom you can lean on and talk to?

Keep writing. We are here to listen and support you.

heartandwhole

[Huat]

From one grandmother to another, welcome Maralv .

I am so sorry to read of your problems with your granddaughter.   You've raised your children and now should be the time in life when you relax.  Sadly, that is not the story for a lot of us.

I echo Heartandwhole in asking where your granddaughter is now.  Has she gone back to her mother?  Has the pattern being her going between your house and her mother's?  Are you in contact with her mother or anyone else who might have knowledge of her?  It would be so comforting to at least know she is safe.

First of all I want to say to you, Maralv, no matter how upset your granddaughter is, she is capable of making choices and speaking to you in that manner is NOT acceptable... .EVER!  That is verbal abuse and verbal abuse could well turn to physical abuse.  I have faced that situation myself (with my daughter, not my grandchild).  I, like you, am in my senior years and we are getting more and more to the point where we would not be able to defend ourselves if we had to (God forbid!).  For me, I knew I had to take a stand... .while I could.

Glad you found us, Maralv, but sorry you had to.  I hope you keep writing.  You need the support and we are here to give you as much as we can.

Huat