Adult Child Just Diagnosed

[Parents! Get help here!]

A set of twins originally foster children as 2 month olds.  Mom got legal custody back but never actually took physical custody of the children so they have always been with my family.  There was always something wrong with the older by 3 minutes, but as a child was diagnosed with ADHD and medicated.  At 20 the symptoms manifested themselves with flying off the handle over nothing, profanity, cussing, screaming, throwing things, physically attacking her twin for something minor, almost outside of herself and mostly directed at me, the one who was always in her corner.  In therapy off and on through childhood but just (at 21) diagnosed with BPD in conjunction with Bipolar.  I never know what will set her off.  I am so confused and I don't know how to help her or me.  After the rants she is never apologetic and goes about  like nothing has happened.  Unable to keep a job due to her angry outbursts.  She is currently in therapy but since she is an adult I am not privy to anything other than what she volunteers (which is very little).  Any suggestions would help.  Thanks

[Mamerebell1]

A set of twins originally foster children as 2 month olds.  Mom got legal custody back but never actually took physical custody of the children so they have always been with my family.  There was always something wrong with the older by 3 minutes, but as a child was diagnosed with ADHD and medicated.  At 20 the symptoms manifested themselves with flying off the handle over nothing, profanity, cussing, screaming, throwing things, physically attacking her twin for something minor, almost outside of herself and mostly directed at me, the one who was always in her corner.  In therapy off and on through childhood but just (at 21) diagnosed with BPD in conjunction with Bipolar.  I never know what will set her off.  I am so confused and I don't know how to help her or me.  After the rants she is never apologetic and goes about  like nothing has happened.  Unable to keep a job due to her angry outbursts.  She is currently in therapy but since she is an adult I am not privy to anything other than what she volunteers (which is very little).  Any suggestions would help.  Thanks

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[MomMae]

Hi Mamaerebell1,

First, I would like to say welcome to the forum - you have come to the right place to find support, empathy and understanding.  I am so sorry for all that you are going through with your daughter.  I, too, have a BPD daughter, aged 21 and the behaviours you describe are very familiar as they will be to most other parents here.

A good place to start is reading through the resources found on the right hand side of this page 

When I joined this forum last April, I felt lost and hopeless dealing with my daughter.  The support that I received here has been invaluable to me.  Just the validation and realization that there are others out there that are going through similar experiences and they understand and are non-judgemental helped me start to let go of my own guilt, begin to accept the diagnosis, and learn from other parents here and the myriad of resources on this site.  My daughter and I are in a much better place right now then we were 6 months ago... .maybe even a good place. 

Please keep posting, Mamerebell1, as well as reading the experiences of others.  You are not alone.  There are many others out there walking a similar path and this is where we come together to commiserate and support each other.    MomMae