My BPD girlfriend cheated with a good freind

[Seven seven]

A few months ago my BPD girlfriend cheated on me with a good friend she says she was drunk and high and hates herself for it I have tried to get past this but cannot get the images of them together this is not the first time this has happened with people I know I love her but don't know if I can get over it or whether I should just finish it?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[pearlsw]

Hi Seven seven,

Sorry to hear you are having such a hard time with your thoughts about your girlfriend's past behavior. I know that must have hurt both of you very much. In any relationship this would be a serious issue that takes time and effort to sort out and make serious decisions about. This is not a decision anyone can make for you. What would you need to have happen to make it possible to stay together? What would make you lean towards letting her go?

wishing you peace,

pearlsw.

[Tattered Heart]

HI seven seven,

I'm sorry that you are having such a hard time moving on from this. I can understand. It's very painful. Forgiveness is the only way to move forward if you want to continue the relationship. Forgiveness is a choice. It doesn't mean that what the person did is forgotten or that things even have to go back to the way they were, but it does mean that this situation will not continue to control you.

One way you could help move forward is to look at mindfulness. This is being present in the moment, not in the past and not in the future. Our workshop Triggering, Mindfulness, and WiseMind might help you with this.

[bananas2]

Hi Seven seven,

I'm so sorry you are enduring this. I know how painful it is. My husband cheated on me several times, with the last time being almost 2 years ago now. I made the decision to stay, but your decision is entirely up to you. My BPDH and I are putting in hard work in marriage counseling trying to work through recovering from his infidelities.

I think Pearl posed some good questions for you to consider. Have you asked your GF her reasons for cheating (other than being drunk and high)? You said this is not the first time this has happened. What reasons did she give you before? If you decide to move forward with the r/s, it may be helpful for you both to understand what her motivation was to stray.