Predictions, predictions

[AskingWhy]

I am so good at predicting when my uBPD/uNPD H will dyregulate that I am almost 100% sure he will go on one of his rants and rages.

The most recent trigger for H is the impending family Thanksgiving dinner.  Several of his children will show up with their children and significant others.  

Today H came home from work and the house was not as "clean" as he had expected.  For several days, he had been ordering me to clean the house (our house is far from dirty) for the arrival of the guests.  

Predictably, he started getting angrier and angrier.  I did not engage nor JADE.  He started hollering at me, and this disintegrated into him asking aloud, "I don't know why we are still together?"  (Married more than 20 years.)  This was the veiled "divorce threat" that I was anticipating.   His dysregulating often uses divorce threats.

I was not feeling well and had a cough, and like a little child, H mocked me by making coughing noises.  We all know pwPDs are really children (emotionally) in adults' bodies as they are psychologically stunted.

I continued not to engage.  When he said he wanted to clean the whole house and sell it (inferring the separation of marital property), I told him he had better not touch my property, but he had a right to divorce me if that is what he wished.  

Within two hours, H had calmed down but was feeling bad about himself by the end of the night and sulking again.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[hope2727]

Sigh. Oh I remember those days so well. I am sorry you had to go through this. I hope you are starting to feel a little better. Good for you for knowing him so well, understanding his patterns and reactions and standing up for yourself. I hope you have a peaceful Thanksgiving. Hugs.

[Enabler]

Does H have to do anything for the meal or is it all you? I get a bit flappy around Christmas Day because I know that I have to prepare most of the meal (I do this because W would literally be a molten puddle on the floor from the meltdown she would experience if she had to cook a whole Christmas diner on her own).

I remember a couple of years back we had a power outage on Christmas Day, we had her side of the family over for lunch and whilst the whole family flapped around in a panic dysregulating all over the place I cobbled together lunch using the BBQ, wood burning stove and residual heat in the aga. I'm not sure they even noticed what was happening behind the flappathon they were all having.

I only ask because I wonder whether or not it is actual or perceived pressure of completing tasks and therefore responsibility... .or just the fact people are coming over.