Did you really just say that?

[Depression = 72% of members]

I would like to hear some "short" thoughts you have heard come out of you significant others mouths. I am talking about something you heard and desperately wanted to understand but find it impossible as it "seems" to violate all the rules of adult logic. I am thinking maybe hearing what others try and understand at times will help me let it go... .as sometimes it will never make sense.
Here are a couple from me, short and quick no long stories or extended context needed.


Told my wife I am making a list of the hurtful things she has been saying to me, she responds and says she is making a list now too... .I tell her I am sorry she feels I am hurting her, please tell me what is on your list, her only answer is " I am making a list list of hurtful things she says" and that hurts her.

I asked my wife why she never trust me to be honest, 25 years can you ever remember ever catching me in a lie or being dishonest to you I ask? Her answer  "I do not trust you to tell me the truth as sometimes you say things that hurt me"

 

[virtualfriday]

I would like to hear some "short" thoughts you have heard come out of you significant others mouths. I am talking about something you heard and desperately wanted to understand but find it impossible as it "seems" to violate all the rules of adult logic. I am thinking maybe hearing what others try and understand at times will help me let it go... .as sometimes it will never make sense.
Here are a couple from me, short and quick no long stories or extended context needed.


Told my wife I am making a list of the hurtful things she has been saying to me, she responds and says she is making a list now too... .I tell her I am sorry she feels I am hurting her, please tell me what is on your list, her only answer is " I am making a list list of hurtful things she says" and that hurts her.

I asked my wife why she never trust me to be honest, 25 years can you ever remember ever catching me in a lie or being dishonest to you I ask? Her answer  "I do not trust you to tell me the truth as sometimes you say things that hurt me"

 

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[virtualfriday]

Also, I think that these "irrational" thoughts are excellent indicators on how the much "BPD" our SO are currently dealing with.

So if you are hearing your SO tell you that 2+2=5... .things are not perfect but are manageable and can be easily contained
But if you are hearing logic like 2+2=50... .time for serious damage control and your complete focus should be on deescalation
And when you hear 2+2=giraffe... .its probably time to find a safer spot and hope for things to pass

[Enabler]

"I saw this thing on Facebook... .I mean I only check it every couple of weeks" - My Facebook must be broken then as you seem to come up liking everyone all day long.

"I feel that God appears to everyone in the world such that they know his love and can say at the gates of heaven God and the story of Jesus was revealed to them"... ."What about if you live in Pakisthan and all your friends and family are Muslim and you've never seen a Bible?" ... ."Oh, he finds a way"

"It's broken, we need a new one, it's a disaster"... ."let me just spend 2 seconds fixing it... .oh, there you go"

"You never come on to me" ... ."Can you remember a single time when I have ever declined sex in our entire 20yr relationship?" ... ."<deafening silence>"

"I told you 6 months ago I wanted a divorce, why are you still here?" ... ."Because it's my home"

"OM and I have a supernatural relationship sent from God, I can't explain it, no one else will understand it and most people will think it's totally wrong... .but I can't understand why you don't get it"... .

"I'm honest about 90% of the things I say, I don't get why you don't trust me"... .I suspect the 90% is an exaggeration as well

"I can't believe you checked my emails, I would never do that"... .it was your body double that did it for the first 18yrs of our marriage then and the same body double that would berate me for things that other people said.

"You're abusive to D4, just like you were the other Sunday"... ."Was that the time when I was sitting on the floor with her, the door was closed and you had no idea what was going on inside the room?" ... ."My therapist said that it was abusive"

"the reason why our kids aren't dry at night has nothing to do with the fact that we allow them to have a pint of water just before they go to bed, it's because they have a medical disorder" ... .visit pee clinic where they suggest D stops drinking 1hr before she goes to bed... .Dry at night, closely followed by other D who was copying her.

"if you prune that tree back you will kill it"... ."but it's clearly been pruned back here before, you can see where it's been cut" ... ."I feel like you're going to kill it"... .I pruned, it didn't die.

[virtualfriday]

(off subject random thoughts by me after reading the above post)

My adherence to total honesty/transparency is a big deal, I think my own honesty is even more important to me than it is to her. If questions ever arise about the intentions of my previous words or actions I can fall back internally to the rock solid fact that I was honest and did the best I could with the info I had at the time. That's pretty important for me as without that my guilty conscious can easily be convinced all pain purposely inflicted by me.

[Tattered Heart]

I guess my question is in these conversations, what is the purpose of the conversation that started the odd conversations?

I won't ask my H "why" he thinks anything because that just gives him a reason to get upset about his reason why, when his reason why is probably just what he is feeling and not the reality. To ask "Why do you think I... ." would just be an open door to being picked on, criticized, hurt, etc.

For instance when saying you are making a list of things she does that hurt you, she was hurt that you were keeping track of the things she does to you. So she responded that at the top of her list of hurtful things was how you hurt her by keeping record of her wrongs.

I've kept track of my H's wrongs towards me, but I didn't share them with him. They were for me to look for behavior patterns, topics that created problems, etc. for a pre-planned period of time. I never let him see this list because I know that it would be painful for him to think that I saw him as such a huge problem that I needed to write down every time he did something wrong.

Looking at these things she has said that were confusing, what do you think she was trying to tell you in those scenarios? What could you do to let her know you heard what she was saying?

[virtualfriday]

I guess my question is in these conversations, what is the purpose of the conversation that started the odd conversations?

Wrong, right or justified is not really a concern of mine at this particular moment. Once you go there you start splitting hairs, he said she said and around you go never to stop. If I hear something like the sky is red not blue I need to know its OK to let it go, no reason to spend energy trying to sort it out.

[Tattered Heart]

Wrong, right or justified is not really a concern of mine at this particular moment. Once you go there you start splitting hairs, he said she said and around you go never to stop. If I hear something like the sky is red not blue I need to know its OK to let it go, no reason to spend energy trying to sort it out.

Yes. It will turn into a circular argument.