Boyfriend disappeared on me, I'm lost

[PeacefulCareBear]

My partner with BPD has suddenly disappeared on me, after a week passed I've tried contacting him and has got no response from him. He's pushed me so far away that he's unreachable and won't speak to me. I'm lost, confused, hurt and at this point I'm not sure what to do anymore. I've gained his trust, he has opened up to me and we had many wonderful beautiful memories together. Anytime I think of them, I can't seem to stop myself from crying.

The last time we saw each other everything was good and we had minor arguments which was resolved later on during that day. When he was angry and upset, I stood my ground, comforted him and tried to get through to him at several moments but he seemed to have so much anger inside of him. He has trouble driving and has panic attacks and I was very patient, held his hand and calmed him down during these episodes. Anytime he has anxiety and I relax him, he's happy once again and tells me very often, "what a good person I am." This is something has has said multiple times and says it anytime he feels that nobody understands him or can't seem to get through to him.

When he's angry and moody, his mood shifts and suddenly he hates me. I'm honestly not sure what causes him to do this, I just try not to take it personally and remain quiet. I chose not to argue with him when he gets like this or has one of his mood swings. I've read about splitting and abandonment issues. Anytime he fears I'll leave him for someone else, I tell him that I love him and only him, that I wouldn't leave him and how I deeply love him which I do.

Right now I'm conflicted and not sure what to do at this point. I've left him alone at this point and won't reach out to him anymore because if he has pushed me this far away, it's very hard to reach out to him and tell him that I love him. There's times he gets very paranoid, upset and has trouble saying Goodbye to me since we're in a long distance relationship. When I said Goodbye to him on my last visit with him, looking back I did notice how deeply sad he was and how he tried to hold it together. I did cry and he held me as usual and kissed me goodbye. We said our Goodbye's, I love you's and I left a love note for him at his desk since he seems to like when I do that because it reassures him that I'm not going anywhere.

I'm honestly not sure what to think and I don't know if he'll return. Advice and thoughts on this if you can. I'd appreciate it a lot. I've been very patient with him and I miss him... .very much but I'm also conflicted at the same time.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[once removed]

this must be very hard on you.

did he give any indication or explanation that this would happen? has he done anything like it before?

what is it that you are feeling conflicted about?

[PeacefulCareBear]

this must be very hard on you.

did he give any indication or explanation that this would happen? has he done anything like it before?

what is it that you are feeling conflicted about?

Yes it's very confusing for me and hard on me because he kept inviting me to his house to see me and told me how much he missed me since I moved. I live three hours away from him and I see him whenever I can. He's been opening up to me and told me how much I mean to him and that he does love me.

He's done this once before and disappeared on me. Sometimes he gets overwhelmed, I can understand that since he has bad anxiety, anxiety attacks and has many mood swings which I know can be draining on the body and overwhelming for him.

Guess I'm just conflicted by what has happened, when I thought things were going so well. Maybe I didn't use the right word as I was writing the thread at the time since I was upset, but I'm at a loss of words and I miss him very much. I'm not sure what to do at this point and I'm just glad I found a forum like this because I posted about my situation on other boards and not many people took the time to respond or knew what to say. I'm still learning about Borderline, reading articles and I plan on buying a book on it once I get money.

Thanks for responding to my thread. I appreciate it a lot!  

[once removed]

I'm just glad I found a forum like this because I posted about my situation on other boards and not many people took the time to respond or knew what to say.

im glad you found us too. we are family here, and we are with you every step of the way.

I'm still learning about Borderline, reading articles and I plan on buying a book on it once I get money.

good. this is a proactive place to put your energy. i highly recommend the tools and lessons directly to the right of the board. they can provide a bigger picture, and give you concrete ways to solve conflict. we can help with any questions you have about them.

what brought him around when he disappeared on you before? what happened? did he give any explanation? as much detail as possible will help.