Current setuation with a bit of recap; uBPDh opened a new business location in another state, 6 hrs away. Now and again it requires commuting. To make things complicated, uBPDh is highly suggestible and easily manipulated. Highly sensitive, afraid of potential conflicts, especially with people he isn’t close with emotionally. It’s very likely that uBPDh is also npd, this anyone stroking his ego, automatically becomes a powerful influence in his decisions and attitudes. UBPDh has a business partner with questionable values and morals. Going from cheating spouse to now covering his financials in order to avoid a pay out to his soon to be ex wife. My uBPDh travels for work with him, coming back a completely different person, with different morals and values and shovenistic mindset. Where everything has a price, and marriage is only a place of convenience and husband’s fulfilment. After many fights regarding him traveling alone with V. (Partner) I was able to carve out my niche, I come along on the trip only! If I travel separately. According to V. He needs to discuss things I shouldn’t hear during the trip (they see each other daily during the week, still can’t understand what is so secretive and pressing). My uBPDh doesn’t want to have a conflict with V., yet he is trying to placate me, so he is agreeing to me coming. I travel by train, while they drive in V.’s car.
Back to present, yesterday they had to go and fix an issue related to their business. I took the train. UBPDh picked me up from the station, while V. Waited in the office. We came back for V. And went out for late dinner to a fine dining establishment. Over the course of dinner I observed how almost “afraid” of V. My uBPDh is. When it comes to some form of displeasing V. UBPDh becomes highly apologetic and tries to placate V. (Huge departure from telling me to $&
“ off). After the dinner we all went to rental apartment. Slept over and had an overall uneventful breakfast together. UBPDh and V. Went on to work, I went to explore the city. After some hours I contacted uBPDh, he seemed busy and preoccupied, yet when I texted him if he is close to being done and planning to go home he replied “likely”. I asked V. The same thing, he confirmed that they are planning to head out tonight. He even asked me if I wanted to come and ride in the car with them. By then I already purchased my return ticket and was ready to board the train, so I politely declined. Fast forward, I’m almost home, so I texted uBPDh asking what was going on. Didn’t get a reply, the machinery related to their business is extremely noisy, so unless he has his phone in his hand, it’s impossible to hear. I texted V. Asking what time are they heading out. He replied that they are staying since it’s late (read he is practically homeless, in the midst of a divorce battle, living at his cottage fri to sun, and at his mom’s from mon to thurs) There is no one waiting for him to come back. I got upset, as I wouldn’t have left if I knew that they were staying. I made a decision as an adult, to catch the train since I was under impression of my uBPDh coming home. Ultimate question- it seems as if I’m chasing my tail. I’m trying to keep our family together so hard, almost fanatically. I’m making sucrifices leaving my home and my children almost on a moment notice just so he comes back as “their normal dad”. I’m really pushing through things, because I know how good we can be as a family, not when he idolizes me/kids, but how good he is at his baseline. How gentle and quiet soul he really is. But I’m loosing, seriously loosing to all the negativity, shovenistic attitudes he is adapting from his business partner. He comes back a doppelgänger of the man I love. I Can’t think of a way of creating a boundary that my husband wouldn’t listen to everything that V. Says, he is a much stronger influence on my uBPDh.
