Hello Time63, welcome to the boards! This is a great place to build your knowledge and skills so that you are able to either maintain the distance or reconcile in a way that works for both of you. Take a look at the resources to the right. Dive in and learn as much as you can.
I can relate how a simple point you are trying to make can turn into an hour long or hours long conversation! Our pwBPD have ways of sucking us in. It's almost like magic. And we go right along!
To learn more about boundaries, you might want to visit this page on
setting boundaries,
this thread on scripts for setting boundaries, and
this thread on boundary setting examples.
Have you read any books about BPD?
One good thing to do during a separation is to make a list of what you want in a long term relationship. Perhaps two lists -- one for "must haves" and another for "nice to haves." Keep it on your phone, and add to it over the days and weeks as you think of something. This exercise is good for at least three reasons. First, it helps you capture over time a list of what you need/want, and you may not have allowed yourself to think of those things. Second, it lets you start thinking of yourself as someone who deserves a relationship with those traits. Third, it gives you something to measure any progress with your partner against, or to measure any potential future relationships.
In the four months that you've been separated, what insights have you gained that you were having a hard time seeing when you were in the thick of it?
WW
