Hi muttley, welcome to the boards! I understand from experience how exhausting it can be to deal with attacks. You are not alone!
In addition to kelseyy's great advice on validation, one of the improvements I got great mileage out of when I first started learning about BPD is avoiding
JADE. Follow the link, but the basic idea is that if you get sucked into an argument and start defending yourself, it never goes well. When I started to learn how to avoid that, it helped me to avoid making things worse, and I appreciated the improvement.
You might also want to check out this lesson on
ending conflict.
Finally, make a commitment to yourself to become a regular part of this community. Read the resources at the right. Keep posting, and start replying to the posts of others. You'll get the most impact if you make this board a habit, a part of your support system.
WW