Is it the end . When to just let go

[Tinyted]

Where do I begin . I'm 51 , heartbroken . I'm a strong woman most of the time . Good job , great children . 3 years ago I split from my husband of 25 years after finding out he cheated on me once again . A good marriage most of the time . Then my life changed i met this amazing man , my knight in shining armor . Fell in love . Time goes by ... .And I'm here ... .Lonely confused heartbroken . I've so much running through my heart/Head . i don't know where to begin . I've read so much about BPD . My k.i.s.a  is now 400 miles away . I'm left alone wondering what has happened to me .

[Pencil sketch]

Hi Tinted, welcome, have only been here a few weeks myself, you are in the right place. Deep breath, what's happened?

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Tt, Let me echo Pencil sketch and say Welcome.  How long were you together with your BPD SO?  What makes you think that your Ex has BPD?  The place to start, I suggest, is with yourself, by treating yourself with care and compassion.  It sounds easy, but loving and accepting oneself can be pretty hard to do, particularly in the aftermath of a BPD r/s.  Suggest you listen to your gut feelings.

LuckyJim

[Tinyted]

I just don't know where to start . I met my H , a few weeks after my 1st marriage ended . As I said we met and had a great weekends together . 3 months down the line i found out I had breast cancer . After my surgery ,  He suddenly left me right out the blue . I was gobsmacked to say the least . That was the first time . Over the next couple of months i was having treatment . Things was ok on and off . We had great weekends away . Then we got engaged started to plan the wedding . Which we did . Then his behaviour was getting worst  love bombing was every other week . I put most of this down to the past but really I knew something was very wrong . I asked him to get help . Which he did , or said he did . We got married last August . He ruined it , I can't even tell you what happened . One minute he was telling me how beautiful i looked the next minute he looked at me which such hate . It all kicked off he got so drunk and rowed with everyone making a complete mess . Our beautiful wedding ruined . To say we didn't spend the night together . So for the past 10 months I'm married to a man i adore  i love the bones of him . Anyway ... We have been apart for 7 months . Only seeing each other once a month with me doing all the running about . Last week I got a call from his parents saying he had lost the plot and was in hospital . I get on a plane over , he was ok when I arrived . with in 24 hours ... I was walking out of his parents home  in tears getting a flight home . Things was so bad I've had to go No contact ... .But its being my heart . Jesus I'm reading this back thinking I must be the one mad

[Enabler]

Jesus I'm reading this back thinking I must be the one mad

Timyted... .there's plenty of us here who have seriously doubted our sanity so fear not you are definitely not alone. The nature of the overt weird mixed with wonderful mixed with subtle odd and then a dusting of "it's you not me" are all part of the recipe which makes BPD and other mental illness so crazy making. I can't imagine how you felt on your wedding day.

My guess is you've come to The Family for empathetic understanding and answers. There's plenty of that here and with so many members with such a diverse (but strangely common) set of experiences you'll be sure to find commonality with many folks here.

how do you feel about yourself? When I first read about BPD I thought "how could I have not known, surely it was so obvious, how have I been living with this for 20 years?"

[Tinyted]

It's strange how things happen. I'm such a happy go lucky person as can always give great advice , I've got a good ear and eye for seeing the world and the best in people . I do think I saw the great man under all that hurt he carry' s . We clicked straight away . Both wanted and needed each other . Both had tough childhoods . Me from the east end and him from Belfast . What hurts most for me is not being able to fix things . I know deep in my heart I'm doing the right thing being apart but boy does it hurt . I'm sure everyone here knows that pain