Shoot Broke NC and feel terrible.

[Depression = 72% of members]

I can`t believe I did it. I left about a month ago (fore the 4th time). The same crazy pattern emerged within weeks of getting back (we are married). I am oh so familiar with the NC rule. I found out she is dating, that was a killer for me. but occasionally she would send me an email, but I never opened any of them. But I couldn't avoid seeing the subject line. At first it was just logistical things,  and just points of contact, I stayed steady, did not open. But recently they seem to be more personal in nature and just about every morning. Two emails ago the subject line was "just thinking", I did not open it, but I wanted to so bad. But I stayed strong, I'm super educated and aware of the NC rules. Then yesterday her subject line was "Encouragement". I couldn't stand it anymore, I opened it. It was a song and a bible scripture and the words "better days ahead". At first I was able to resist, but it kept gnawing at me all day. I mean someone sends you something encouraging I feel obliged to respond in some way, even though in this case its the worse thing I could have done. So, I simply replied "Thank you". Almost immediately after I sent it I knew I just gave away the upper hand and that I am probably not going to hear from for a while. She accomplished her mission, which was to prod and poke at me to see if I was still on the hook. Bingo, I finally bit.
So now she can disappear and leave me holding the bag. I have been obsessing ever since, checking email every 15-20 minutes just waiting for another "hit". I feel like I have gone back to square one and I'm just sick about it. I know its just a simple thank you, but with persistence on her part she got what she needed and I`m stuck waiting for a response that I know may not ever come or at least not until after several days. And in the meantime, like an addict waiting for their next fix, I sit and wait. What a messed up life. This has been going on for 4 years with this woman.

[Rameses]

I can`t believe I did it. I left about a month ago (fore the 4th time). The same crazy pattern emerged within weeks of getting back (we are married). I am oh so familiar with the NC rule. I found out she is dating, that was a killer for me. but occasionally she would send me an email, but I never opened any of them. But I couldn't avoid seeing the subject line. At first it was just logistical things,  and just points of contact, I stayed steady, did not open. But recently they seem to be more personal in nature and just about every morning. Two emails ago the subject line was "just thinking", I did not open it, but I wanted to so bad. But I stayed strong, I'm super educated and aware of the NC rules. Then yesterday her subject line was "Encouragement". I couldn't stand it anymore, I opened it. It was a song and a bible scripture and the words "better days ahead". At first I was able to resist, but it kept gnawing at me all day. I mean someone sends you something encouraging I feel obliged to respond in some way, even though in this case its the worse thing I could have done. So, I simply replied "Thank you". Almost immediately after I sent it I knew I just gave away the upper hand and that I am probably not going to hear from for a while. She accomplished her mission, which was to prod and poke at me to see if I was still on the hook. Bingo, I finally bit.
So now she can disappear and leave me holding the bag. I have been obsessing ever since, checking email every 15-20 minutes just waiting for another "hit". I feel like I have gone back to square one and I'm just sick about it. I know its just a simple thank you, but with persistence on her part she got what she needed and I`m stuck waiting for a response that I know may not ever come or at least not until after several days. And in the meantime, like an addict waiting for their next fix, I sit and wait. What a messed up life. This has been going on for 4 years with this woman.

[Zen606]

Hi Rameses-
I read your post and truly feel for your frustration and what sounds like anger. But, please let this go. You already know what she is doing, the manipulation she is pulling. You need to walk away, you need to take back your life.

 If you already know the BPD literature you can see the whole picture, correct? Folks with BPD or traits are ill, mentally ill, and I don't mean to be disrespectful of her, but she needs to be responsible for her illness and you need to leave her to this. Whether she does it or not,  is with someone else or not, is not important. What is important is that you leave her to be responsible for herself, and in turn you take care of yourself, do your own work, seek therapy, read the forum lit, keep on posting, and let us be there for you. Sometimes we need to cut our losses. Please walk away, seek legal advice as you are married,  and take care of yourself. You need to be #1, nothing less than that. 

Zen606

[Rameses]

Thanks Zen, great encouragement. Just for clarification, I have already left, been gone for about a month now. She has never gone more than 3 days without reaching out to me since then. You are so right  when you say its all about manipulation. But the frustrating thing is, I know all about their illness, yet I am still affected by her antics. They are master puppeteers and know exactly which strings to pull, and I fall for it every time. Like I said, this is my fourth time leaving and it gets harder and harder to detach each time I recycle.
WARNING: Any one out there who see`s the signs of this condition and decide it is too much to take and decide to sever ties... .please, please, please don`t go back, they never change, they can`t, in most cases, in their minds, there is nothing wrong with them... .it`s you, YOU ARE THE PROBLEM. And going back only adds another layer of toxic waste to your relationship that will make it harder and harder to detach. IF YOU SEE IT BELIEVE IT AND RUN!
I wish I stayed away the first time I left, because today I would be free from all this madness.

[Lostinanother]

I’m confused Mate.
You replied “Thank you” ? That’s all?
And you’re expecting a reply?
Sometimes when someone messages me that, I just see it as a polite closer so leave it there. Do you know what I mean?

[Sargeras]

Anxiety will dominate you if you let it. That's the thing about anxiety, it will ask the questions, answer them, and draw plans. You have nothing to worry about. She'll be back.

[Zen606]

Hi Rameses,
You are free, you have already left. Take that further, now leave her emotionally.  Have your own closure and move on.

Much success to you.
Zen606

[Lost_101]

Hi Rameses,

I’m so sorry you had to go through the same cycle again. I’ve broke up with my BPD gf 3 months ago and went NC ever since. I’ve blocked her on each social media channel, block her phone number. Basically, I have cut all communication with her so she can never reach me ever again. Thrown every photo of her amd everything that reminded me on her. I’ve done all of this not to punish her but rather to move on with my life. She texted me several times, she send me a handwritten letter. I haven’t responded to anything nor I ever will. She made my life living hell, broke up with me 10 times and after day or two she wants to make up cause I’m her world and the love of her life. I cannot explain how much pain she have caused me, so much stress during each break up. I had to question every word I say so it doesn’t turn out that I’m the one who is destroying our relationship. I have gave everything I have for this girl and she wasn’t satisfied at all. Anyhow, do you know whats the saddest part about this entire situation? Deep down inside me, I really miss her a lot and I’m still thinking about her cause we’ve dated for three years. However, I know that I cannot save her or resolve her problems and maybe we are better off without eachother. I really loved her trully but she didn’t love obviously cause she is not capable of loving someone. My soul is so tarnished right now and I’m just mad ar my self for loosing three years of my life. Instead, I could’ve been with some other girl and have family and kids. All I got from her is drama, stress, instability.
For future reference, when you disengage with a potential BPD girl, go NC immediatelly and dissappear from the face of earth. No matter who hard you miss her the cycles will come back and hunt you and you won’t accomplish nothing. There are days when I want to unblock my ex and text her but I know that nothing will change. Plus, I really don’t want to know if she dating someone or not. It’s pretty hard to maintain the NC but its for your own good. Think about it. You are the one who is important. Save your self from further drama and move on with your life buddy.

Wish you all the best!

P.s. I have explained my situation in this section. You can find it by the name: Can’t move on with my life after break up with BPD gf’

I can`t believe I did it. I left about a month ago (fore the 4th time). The same crazy pattern emerged within weeks of getting back (we are married). I am oh so familiar with the NC rule. I found out she is dating, that was a killer for me. but occasionally she would send me an email, but I never opened any of them. But I couldn't avoid seeing the subject line. At first it was just logistical things,  and just points of contact, I stayed steady, did not open. But recently they seem to be more personal in nature and just about every morning. Two emails ago the subject line was "just thinking", I did not open it, but I wanted to so bad. But I stayed strong, I'm super educated and aware of the NC rules. Then yesterday her subject line was "Encouragement". I couldn't stand it anymore, I opened it. It was a song and a bible scripture and the words "better days ahead". At first I was able to resist, but it kept gnawing at me all day. I mean someone sends you something encouraging I feel obliged to respond in some way, even though in this case its the worse thing I could have done. So, I simply replied "Thank you". Almost immediately after I sent it I knew I just gave away the upper hand and that I am probably not going to hear from for a while. She accomplished her mission, which was to prod and poke at me to see if I was still on the hook. Bingo, I finally bit.
So now she can disappear and leave me holding the bag. I have been obsessing ever since, checking email every 15-20 minutes just waiting for another "hit". I feel like I have gone back to square one and I'm just sick about it. I know its just a simple thank you, but with persistence on her part she got what she needed and I`m stuck waiting for a response that I know may not ever come or at least not until after several days. And in the meantime, like an addict waiting for their next fix, I sit and wait. What a messed up life. This has been going on for 4 years with this woman.

[Bo123]

Does anyone ever win with a BPD, the odds are nil.  The stories are all the same, they never change, we tolerate or chase them.  They don't care and replace us in a couple weeks and tell their new partners how bad we were.  Once we know they're BPD, it's us that screw ourselves over.  We play with fire and get burned, it IS our fault, we know what they're like.  I don't know who has the worse disorder them or US.  Story after story it never changes.  This part of the forum should have a header, enter at your own risk, you have a 98% chance of losing, how much do you want to bet, insert credit card here.

[SlyQQ]

In life you are only a loser if you think you are, forget about it, email her if you want and say you would like never to hear from her again viola problem solved.