Introduction—feel like we’ve lost years from our lives living with our daughter

[Babs65]

I’m the mother of a 17 year old BPD daughter. I’m separated from my husband mostly due to my daughter’s affect on our life. I’m just now reading the Stop Walking on Eggshells book. My biggest struggle in my heart is not even just the feeling of hopelessness, but I guess that I don’t just feel hopeless, I am without hope most of the time. I can cry on a dime and mostly just hate my life.

I don’t feel like my kid will ever accept that she needs to accept her diagnosis and get help. We’ve spent thousands and thousands of dollars and it’s all just a waste of money. I, and my husband, feel like we’ve lost years from our lives living with this kid. I feel like Pigpen from Charlie Brown just walking around with a cloud of crap around me all the time.

That’s me, hello.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[bluek9]

Welcome Babs65,
     
        So very sorry that you have endured such pain and are finding yourself now without hope. That has got to be a horrible space to be in. You will find on this board others who have suffered the in the same way. Lots of parents here like myself can tell you we have all had those feelings. I'm also sorry for the separation from your husband. Life with BPD children feel like a wrecking ball has demolished your life.
      I have questions but, won't ask now. I just want you to heard, acknowledged and validated in your feelings. I could share much with you but, now is not the time either. Let me say this; I hear you, I understand, I have been in the same shape. There is always hope Babs65, even when we ourselves can't see it. There is hope here on this board in sharing your story.

H: healing                                             Please keep sharing
O: options
Positive
E:encouragement

[Rosie1q]

Hi Babs65
I’m pretty new too but as I read your post I know exactly how you feel I’m no expert just a mum of a daughter  who is 41. With BPD and bipolar. I would like to express how this web site works when your tearing your hair out .Angry tired confused  desperate trying to work out what the hell just happen .Your reeling looking for answers to work out what you did wrong. That’s the time you need this web site and you will find your not alone it helps you read other peoples post .You realise that your not alone and you know how everyone feels. YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG.Use the tools it is mind boggling at first but please realise everyone is supporting you we link up like a daisy chain we’re here to share and support you so please don’t give up .Take care of your self love to you both x

[abcdefg1]

Hi I know exactly what u mean. Mom of a 30 yr old who has BPD but wont admit it. She is keeping our grandchildren away on purpose and as she puts it 'intentionally' shutting us out of her life. She can go to hell as far as Im concerned. She has put us thru hell and I hate her for it. However we adore our grandchildren and the fact that she is divorced and couldnt sustain her marriage either is also a source of pain. My poor grandkids. We love them and aslo like her ex too. SHE is the issue. Whatever we do is wrong (I amher easiest target) . I feel your pain every day. Don't give up. You have to try to just accept that she is very sick and it wont get better on her end. You have to work on YOU and your hubs to try to cope as best you can. THis site will give you tools and help, as well as support. We ar a ll there with you. Sending hugs.

[Feeling Better]

Hello Babs65,

I’m so sorry to hear what you are going through, you are not alone, there are many parents on this site, many struggling and looking for ways to cope.

You seem so low and defeated, have you sought any help for yourself? I struggled for quite a while before I realised that I couldn’t do it alone and decided to seek help. I started counselling a few weeks ago and it has definitely had a positive effect on me, my spirit seems more uplifted and I am definitely on the way to getting back to my old self. Living with and caring for someone with BPD takes an enormous toll on us and we don’t always realise it until it’s too late.

I’m sending you a big hug Babs65   x

[zachira]

It seems like you feel like you have hit rock bottom, and just don't know what could help at this point. You will always care about your daughter because she is your daughter. Being separated from your husband is so painful. Perhaps you are depressed, and maybe it could help to get some outside help to see how you can feel better. Whatever happens, know that things can get better. Let us know how you are doing, and what we can do to help!