Why won't he just leave me alone?

[mjssmom]

It was a year ago today that my ex BPD boyfriend dumped me in a rage suddenly 2 days after asking me to move in with him. I found out he had been seeing a girl he picked up online a month prior and he flaunted her all over Facebook to humiliate me. Fast forward to May and they broke up. He has been bothering me ever since. I'm in a serious relationship And just moved in with my boyfriend. He knows this. Yet he continues to try to contact me. He must have gotten rid of my phone number when we broke up so he can't get ahold of me that way. But so far he has called my job to try to talk to me, written me a letter, tried to message me through Facebook until I blocked him, and now he has friends contacting me through Facebook just to say hi. I want absolutely nothing to do with this man. I have never responded to any of his attempts. Even when he called me at work I immediately hung up. In fact I had his local police department call him and tell him he had to stop. I am completely indifferent to him. He's like an annoying bug flying around my face. I have absolutely no desire whatsoever to have any contact with him. I've been thinking about a restraining order but he's not really doing anything threatening. But he's really getting on my nerves. Will he ever stop trying to contact me? Is this some kind of challenge to him to try to get me away from my current boyfriend? I never hand someone a loaded gun twice. I learned my lesson the first time with him. Why is he continuing to try to contact me? I just want him to leave me alone. He really did cross the boundary though when he called my job. Is there anything I can do to get him to stop contacting me?

[Lucky Jim]

Suggest you continue to keep good boundaries, as you are doing.  You might want to let them know at work that he is harassing you and might show up, in which case they should call the Police.  I think you are right to consider a restraining order, because it becomes part of an official record at the local courthouse.  Those w/BPD often have an obsessive side, which you have to combat.  Tell these FB folks to stop contacting you on his behalf.  Suggest you continue to take this seriously and do all you can to protect yourself.

LuckyJim

[mjssmom]

Ok, it worries me that this is continuing 7 months after he broke up with her and a year after we broke up . It does seem weird and obsessive.  Most non dysfunctional people move on by now.  I keep up with no contact.  I've been told, even if I responded to leave me alone, that any response only encourages them.

[Harley Quinn]

That's right.  If he is this persistent that would give him intermittent reinforcement, which could worsen the behaviour as he'd believe that as long as he keeps pestering you it will lead to you eventually giving in and responding.  It does sound overly obsessive.  Had you seen any such type of behaviour on his part previously?  Although the contact isn't directly threatening, it could be classed as harassment.  It may be worth speaking to either the police or a solicitor for advice on this.   

Love and light x