Grieving and trying to heal

[Pangy]

My mother has BPD and narcissistic traits. Two weeks ago my father, who I was very close to, passed away. It has been an extremely painful time and it was made only harder by my mom. During this intensely painful time I have realized two things: the stories my mom has told me about myself are lies and I don’t want to waste my time feeling bad about myself any longer. Part of that second realization has drawn me here to find help and support.

[GeekyGirl]

Hi Pangy and welcome. 

I'm so sorry for the loss of your father and the feelings that have come up since then. Losing someone you're close to always hurts, but facing some difficult truths, as you are, makes it even tougher.

The good thing is, though, that you're reaching out and see that you're strong enough to work on yourself and getting through this.  There are many folks here who can relate to what you're going through and can offer some advice and support.

How are you doing today? What are you doing to take care of yourself right now? You've already done something great for yourself in coming here and looking for help.

[madeline7]

I would like to extend my condolences on your loss. I went through this 2 years ago when my Dad passed away. I found that I was unable to fully grieve, as I was thrown into the role of emotional caretaker for my uBPDm. Although I knew she would not change, I did had some hopes that she would rise to the challenge since her number 1 enabler was no longer there to reinforce her unstable and chaotic silence and rages. This did not happen. She continues to act irrationally and is so divisive, that the rest of the family continues to enable, even though they are all aware she is mentally ill. I came to this board for help, got a therapist, am taking extra time for self care and slowly moving towards acceptance. I miss my Dad every day, I am also mourning the loss of the Mom I never had and the FOO I wish I had. It is hard work, but so worth it. Peace to you and Happy New Year.