Forced Contact. Now I feel like I was knocked backwards and feel worse

[AG]

The last post I shared me having to go No Contact with a woman I was dating from work who I strongly suspect to have NPD. I ended things right around Christmas and clearly told her that I thought she was insane for some of the things she had done, said, and just her overall behavior. I have been in a 4 year relationship with a BPD woman and suspected this new woman from month 1. Month 3 was when I said hell no I'm done. The first few days I felt hurt and anxiety. Then maybe on day 5 or so I felt no physical ailments just simply thoughts. I have blocked her on whatss app and her regular phone. I also blocked some other Government phone she had. On December 26th I had to also block her job number(she now works for a different location but same company). She then showed up to my location on the 27th and the 28th after her shift and traveled from her location to mine to "workout". Both times I avoided her and left the job being that she came later on I decided to cut out early each time.

I thought this crap was over with but yesterday she appeared again to "workout". I saw her at the front desk talking to some staff so I went to the bathroom and then back to my office to grab my coat and bag to make my exit again. When I went to my office and was about to walk out the door she appeared at the doorway and slightly blocked it and was now in my face saying Hi like nothing ever happened with a big smile on her face. With my eyes looking past her meaning no eye contact I said Hi and side stepped around her. Out the corner of my eye while leaving that seemed to hurt her. I then went to the next office to say goodbye to one of my staff and she was now in that office as well. I said goodbye everyone and walked out the door and immediately left the job.

This happened yesterday and I am extremely upset. I was feeling fine and I honestly had a sense of empowerment like I had come a long way from my BPD experience years ago. Since yesterday I have been having trouble sleeping and I am in pain again and feel some anxiety. I feel robbed of my peace as I was moving towards it and very rapidly. I didn't want to even say Hi to be honest even me speaking one word to her was not within my plan. I cannot report her to HR for harrasment becuase I was her manager when she was here and I wasnt supposed to be dating her in the first place. She is now a assistant manager at her location so she cant say anything either. Today I'm snowed in and I even had feelings of calling her to tell her to back off of me and that I don't want to speak with her but I remembered all my research on NPD combined with my BPD experience that let me know that the whole idea is for me to crack and contact her. I'm assuming this last attempt was some form of the spaghetti test to see what sticks.

Her face looking hurt when I walked around her got to me also to be honest. When walking out I also forgot my headphones and had to go back to get them and I didnt see her on the gym floor and knowing her she probably went into the bathroom to cry. She is a beautiful woman and told me she had plenty of options available what the heck is this! I was certain that this wouldnt happen and that after new years she would be forced to just go to another attachment source. I feel like she has the same radar that my BPD ex seemed to have where anytime I was finally moving on she would reach out. I think I did well with just saying Hello and walking right out with no engagement. I wasnt about to have her corner me in that office to infect my mind with any crap but I'm still infected anyway. I don't even think I'm asking for advice at this point more just venting. Only one manager knows about this from another location and she told me she will probably keep this up for a bit more but if I keep up with the no contact shell get bored and move on. Even today when I was upset and wanted to reach out to ask her to stop and leave me alone I still didnt contact her and just sat with my feelings. I also miss her somehow and that bothers me as well or should I rather say I miss the mask. Anyhow sorry for the long post just had to share. Hope everyone had a good Holiday.  

[once removed]

piggybacking on your last post... .

3 months is a pretty common stage for a relationship to end at. so you saw some stuff you were uncomfortable with, and you broke it off.

why are you going to these lengths to avoid her?

[EdR]

I have to be really honest here: your post triggered something inside of me.

I see no problem in ending the relationship after 3 months. I can understand that you could have experienced red flags. But why this extreme NC thing?

I don't understand and I feel she won't either. And to be honest, I feel quite sad that it seems to hurt her. Why is it such a big deal to say hi to a co-worker? It feels like professionalism and friendliness are thrown out of the window and I cannot see the reason.

This 'running away' that you are doing is something I experienced with my pwBPD (but in my case sudden, without warning) and it hurt ENORMOUSLY. Why are you going to these lengths?

[AG]

piggybacking on your last post... .

3 months is a pretty common stage for a relationship to end at. so you saw some stuff you were uncomfortable with, and you broke it off.

why are you going to these lengths to avoid her?

Because I know when something isnt normal. I think part of the reason it seems extreme is because I didnt bother to post alot of the things that happened during that time frame. I have had some people who were on the outside giving me advice along the way and they all state those things are far from normal. I sensed it was far from normal alog the way but kept making excuses for her. Her behaviour was a bit more then uncomfprtable it was pretty far out there. I have dated ample and have never decided besides my ex BPD to do this. Im fairly certain she is some form of NPD. Some of the things include going thru my phone with a password I never gave out, insulting my features such as my fingers, insulting female coworkers, and Blowing up a condom like a balloon and giving it to her 2 year old daughter to call me on video chat to show me the condom I found wasnt from her havug sex with another man but rather her daughter using it as a balloon. Raging,Lying, and trying to get me into some weird agreement where I cant date other women but she can talk to men. Faking a suicide attempt, and triangulating me wih a member I have to see everyday at work. The list goes on and on. I slept with crazy for 3-4 years she actually knows that story where my ex tried to commit suicide to control me from leaving. I spent alot of time going back and forth to the phsyche ward to visit my BPD ex and have done enough research to probably get a damn degree. Uncomfortable is an understatement. I am running because I have to. Also she is doing exactly the same steps I am reading on NPD after no contact and while dating her was behaving exactly how it describes. The last time I second guessed what I read which matched perfectly just like this scenario I ended up in the psyche ward myself becuz I was so messed up. Im not about to give anyone of this nature access to my mind again. It took me thousands of dollars and countless amounts of tine on therapy and research to gather my self esteem back up enough to feel normal again. Im not doing this again Im doing this to keep my mind safe.

[AG]

I have to be really honest here: your post triggered something inside of me.

I see no problem in ending the relationship after 3 months. I can understand that you could have experienced red flags. But why this extreme NC thing?

I don't understand and I feel she won't either. And to be honest, I feel quite sad that it seems to hurt her. Why is it such a big deal to say hi to a co-worker? It feels like professionalism and friendliness are thrown out of the window and I cannot see the reason.

This 'running away' that you are doing is something I experienced with my pwBPD (but in my case sudden, without warning) and it hurt ENORMOUSLY. Why are you going to these lengths?

I definitely can understand where you are coming from. Unfotunately its beyond red flags at this point its more like someone has slashed red paint all over her body. I have dated ample since my BPD ex and have since then never had to do this. This stuff is beyond out there it actually got abusive. I responded to another person with some of the things withi. 3 months but here are some more... .Smacking me in the face with so much force that in my dreams I smacked her and when I woke up it felt so real I thought I actually hit her... .She said she smacked me in the face because so hard and she was laughing. Also while I was sleeping she was talking to another man on the phone while I was there sleeping. She does not work here anymore and I do not know what she is trying to pull. Again Im almost positive this is the spaghetti test... .Professional would be to just do her job where she works instead of calling me at work disquising it to my staff that shes asking a work question I know she has the answer to already. This is literally harrasment I can do nothing about because Im a manager... .I already told her I wanted nothing to do with her. Also she works in a GYM too and does not need to workout here this crap has beeb going on for two weeks now... .U think I really dont wanna speak to her? I definitely do In hurt off this... .This isnt about getting even its simply self preservation... .Im not engaging in the world of crazy anymore no matter how much it hurts... .I got close with her daughter and I love that little girl... .Her daughter would cry for me... .I also got so damn close within these 3 months as there wasnt a single day we didnt speak which also baffles me as to how she had the time to sleep with other men... .I can take a guess that it was why she showed up to alot of our dates late like 2am late or sometimes so damn late that everything was closed... .She was already attacking my self esteem and already trying it in front of people... .I tolerated enough with my BPD ex and Im not about to get sucked into this again no matter how much it bothers me when I know this aint normal... .Im sorry I triggered u as the same happened to ke with my BPD ex ... .MY no contact isnt about some little BPD game tho its just about me not giving any access to my mind... .Hi was more then I should have given and she clearly knows I was extremely hurt by her actions and even to the bitter end insulted and devalued my feelings... .Then after that called back two days later crying saying please forgive me. If I woulda stayed in that office and kept the convo going after Hi instead of running out the door she woulda had access to my mind. Or I coulda stayed there and used the deflecting techniques I learned from reading stop walkingn on egg shells which is exhausting... .While Im typing this she has just entered the club again to "workout". Plus the guy she trianulated me with is here and Im full of anxiety... .This is far from fair for me and I find it ridiculously unprofessional on her part to tamper with me when I have tried to keep away from her.