Push Pull tactics .. Can I have some examples from your experiences ?

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

Hello,

My ex gf of 2 years ( Broke up with her after 1 month) kept breaking up with me after every fight, she did that more than 10 times, I lost the count, sometimes it was because I did something that upset her and the most of the time I didn't know how the hell did we get there... .on the phone, she used to hang up on my face because she knew that I ll call her back... .
I was always the one who's going back to her for reconciliation and try to make it work... .she was making me begging for her forgiveness  that was destroying my self esteem and my self respect...  

Was this a one of the push/pull tactics ?
Please share ur experiences,

[Imad]

Hello,

My ex gf of 2 years ( Broke up with her after 1 month) kept breaking up with me after every fight, she did that more than 10 times, I lost the count, sometimes it was because I did something that upset her and the most of the time I didn't know how the hell did we get there... .on the phone, she used to hang up on my face because she knew that I ll call her back... .
I was always the one who's going back to her for reconciliation and try to make it work... .she was making me begging for her forgiveness  that was destroying my self esteem and my self respect...  

Was this a one of the push/pull tactics ?
Please share ur experiences,

[steelwork]

Well... .my ex frequently said he needed space to get over me. Then he would reappear and want to be intimate again. (Obviously, our situation was pretty complicated.) I'm not sure if that's pushing and pulling. He generally would get angry at me and then forgive me for things that I didn't understand. He sometimes apologized for having tried to "shame" me, and I am still not sure what he meant--unless he meant that his anger was supposed to be shaming. Once when I had to break a date he had a fit and accused me of pushing and pulling. I'd never heard that term and was mystified by it and how it applied to a change of plans.

[Idsrvt2]

That's exactly my relationship with my x... .until the final breakup where I was in so much physical pain from my health issues I lashed out... .he accused me of wanting him to loose his job and harassing his mom... .threatened an RO then said he would go in peace

Only to turn around and take out the RO on me

The twisted thing is he still delivers mail to me as he's my mailman... .it's like I will never heal living here ... .the post office refused to move him ... .

No closure, nada and today I saw a post of his which basically implies he's with another person.
So I guess him saying he needed to be alone etc were all lies.

Just insane too that he's back walking on my porch delivering mail... .guess no longer fears me

[thegravityof]

It sounds so similar to my situation. Every time we had the slightest bit of a fight about anything, which were almost always caused by her jealousy and paranoia and false accusations, it was her go to response to immediately block me on all forms of social media, phone, etc and then just stonewall me until she decided I'd been punished enough or I grovelled enough. She would always leave a couple of avenues of communication open though, as I was always expected to try to reconcile. Normally this would be email. I've counted at least 29 times (including the current episode) that she has done this and we've had to go through the public embarrassment of reinstating our facebook friendship and relationship. She would never say sorry, although she did on a few occasions acknowledge her 'relationship issues'. She says this time that it is finally it, but I've heard it at least 29 times before... .

[Husband321]

My wife did this about 30 times... .

Any disagreement she starts packing.  Puts everything by the door. Says she will leave in the morning. Then stays another day.  Another day.  But still doesn't un pack.  Finally she unpacks and puts her things back away. Which takes another 3 days.  Her excuse was me being "verbally abusive"

As soon as it is put away something sets her off and she packs again.

When I met her she was living out of bags in her car.  When she left me t was the same.  Just driving around with bags in her car.  No home.  Ever.  

About 5 times she would act like everything is fine, then when I go to work I come home and she is gone.  Put all her things in storage.  Empty house.

Then she comes over every night and misses me. Wants sex etc. then finally she moves back in.

[pest]

My girlfriend did it countless of times. The problem is when you are naive situation they slowly start to use it against you. If you dont break up as they told you and try to convince them not to break up then you start to lose value slowly.

One reason behind this break ups are temporary self confidence boost. You should never ever beg her when she want to break up. Keep open the communication doors open but smoothly accept broke up and disappear for while. I know this is idiot way of having relationship but unfortunately it is the only way it works that I know.

Anyway because of convincing her not to broke up every time she now completely left me. Dont go into the same situation.

Just a small note: Imagine you are dealing with your 4-5years of daughter when you deal with her. Would you beg your daughter everytime?
 

[crushedagain]

My wife did this about 30 times... .

Any disagreement she starts packing.  Puts everything by the door. Says she will leave in the morning. Then stays another day.  Another day.  But still doesn't un pack.  Finally she unpacks and puts her things back away. Which takes another 3 days.  Her excuse was me being "verbally abusive"

As soon as it is put away something sets her off and she packs again.

When I met her she was living out of bags in her car.  When she left me t was the same.  Just driving around with bags in her car.  No home.  Ever.  

About 5 times she would act like everything is fine, then when I go to work I come home and she is gone.  Put all her things in storage.  Empty house.

Then she comes over every night and misses me. Wants sex etc. then finally she moves back in.

Wow, this is my BPDexgf to a tee. She would immediately start packing at the slightest hint of a disagreement, etc. When I met her she wasn't living out of her car, but close. She can fit everything she owns into her car. The first time she started packing I was shocked, tried to calm her down, etc. After dozens of times I finally gave up trying to stop her and just said "goodbye" and she would drive off, then she'd call me from her cell phone crying, then come back. The whole situation was exhausting.

[SummerStorm]

Three years ago, my BPD friend idealized me at the same time she was idealizing her boyfriend, so much so that she eventually got to a point where, if he was being devalued, I was being put on the highest pedestal possible, and vice versa.  At one point, she started flirting with me and telling me she wanted to be with me.  A few days later, she "cared" about me but didn't love me; she loved her boyfriend, he was "the one," etc.  Less than two weeks after that, she "loved" me and wanted to live with me.  By the next weekend, she didn't want to be with me and was convinced she would "never love again" if her boyfriend ever broke up with her.  Less than two weeks later, she was saying she saw herself marrying me in the future and that her boyfriend was "b_____t." By the next weekend, she was back to saying that she wanted to be with him, and then the weekend after that, she wanted to be with me.  At that point, I stopped it and said I was tired of her not being able to make up her mind. 

It wasn't until after I made a Facebook account months later and became friends with her (by this time, she had broken up with that guy for good and had already gone through a few other guys) that I saw how her mind worked.  I could literally match up all the times she wanted to be with me with FB posts where she made some passive-aggressive comment about her boyfriend not paying enough attention to her.  Ultimately, she cannot stand to be alone, so she always has someone else lined up.

The push/pull was likely intensified by the fact that she was idealizing/devaluing us at the same time (she actually started dating him right around the same time that we became friends), but even after I stopped it and was NC with her for a while, it was clear that she was still doing the push/pull with him.

Even now, I won't hear from her for days or weeks, and then out of the clear blue, I'll get one of her famous "I miss you" emails.  But after three years, I know that it isn't really me that she misses.  She misses attention, the kindness I showed her, etc.

Her current boyfriend is either living with her or getting ready to move in (I haven't asked because it really doesn't concern me at all), and that is usually what causes her relationships to end, so I'm keeping my guard up. 

[Pencil sketch]

Mine was an LDR, and I used to drive up to the north, once a month to see her. Most of our communication, was conducted by text message, the week before I drove up, she would message me with plans, to do this, see that, telling me she is counting down the hours until we were together again. It always happened, the night before I was due to drive up, she got drunk, and caused an argument, by dragging up something from the past, it was always the same, I would ask, where has all this cone from, and she would respond, by saying, I didn't under stand her, and she would ignore my messages, yet, when I got up there, she would welcome me with open arms.
I ask myself constantly, why did I put up with her behaviour?

[araneina]

Mine would tell me about how he was incapable of a relationship, I would try to convince him he was, we'd have a weird 2-3 days and then end up having sex, and somehow be back to "normal" for a few days, a week, before repeating it all over again.

I remember one time he texted me this long blurb about how he wanted a relationship with me but ultimately knew his "bitterness and resentment would destroy it all."  I just threw my phone on the floor and went to bed - I was too tired to try anymore so I was finally ready to let the relationship die.  I woke up the next morning to another text from him apologizing for upsetting me and asking if we could spend time together that evening.  Annnnd the cycle continued until a very dramatic, messy end in which all the blame was placed on me.