help and guidance

[Rosed1960]

I have an adult child that I believe has BPD with Narcissistic tendencies.  I have had my grandson living with me for over 9 years and every year we go through a whole process where she wants him back.  She is still the same but in her mind believes that I am controlling and won't let her see him.  It hurts so bad with the lies she says to the judge and I can't understand why?  I'm afraid that she may get him back one of these times and he himself has struggled with bi polar since he was 4 years old  I always feel that I have to defend myself.  This year it is hitting harder than normal, we have court in early Feb and I am filled with so much confusion and fear that she could convince a judge that he should go live with her.  She is my daughter and at times she can be loving but as she gets older, I think she gets worse especially with how she treats her family and blames us mainly me for all of her problems.  She is in an abusive relations with the same off and on person and they are toxic together.  My other daughter tries to reassure me that everything will be ok, but it is so hard.  I try most of the time to ignore her threats and anger but she always bring my grandkids into it.  This is new to me so I am not sure if this is how this online process works so I will keep it short.  Maybe just knowing that really after all these years its not me and that others go through this same roller coaster will help me continue to be strong... .

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[wendydarling]

Hello Rosed1960

Welcome, I'm sorry for your pain, you are certainly not alone,   many parent are dealing with similar situations as they care for their GC and can share how they are working through, and you can share with too.

Are you working with a therapist for support?

You know what, parents here   have helped me through and I love them all for that, keep posting, is how I learnt to move forwards with guidance and support to make changes  

What's on your mind right now. I'm glad your daughter is supporting, is she coping ok?


WDx

[qcarolr]

Rosed1960

I am so glad you found us here. I too am raising a grandchild. She is 12 now and struggles with severe anxiety disorder and ADHD. We are in wait and see mode about bipolar. Her doctor does not want to go that direction until the anxiety is managed better.

My DD31 is the BPD parent. We are very grateful for circumstances that allowed us to raise gd12 without continuous court battles. When DD would threaten taking gd away, I always invited her to bring her concerns to CPS or the courts. We did get interview a few times with CPS and accusations were always found to be ungrounded.  As I have grown into the tools a skills here and found support in several places for myself things have gotten better. We were able to adopt gd12 over a year ago for financial reasons, and amazingly the relationship between gd and her mom has improved. Also, DD has been clean of drugs for over 10 months. DD is less likely to blame me for whatever her current problem is than when she was high.

What kind of relationship does your gs have with his mom? Are there visits or outings? What does gs have to say about this relationship?

You share that going to court happens each year. Is there anything different this year for her to bring to court? What kind of things do you do to prepare for the hearing? What has worked for you in the past? Who is with you to provide emotional and strategic support?

I know this is a lot of questions. If you are willing to share a little more of your experiences maybe we could point you to some of the tools and skills listed in the sidebar. Hope to hear back from you.

carol