Still healing from the latest assault

[RRE]

Just a vent today.  I feel that writing about the latest incident will help me release and move forward.  The back story is that my 31 yo son has BPD and NPD.  He is a full time single father to a 5yo son.  My grandson and I are very attached and bonded.  I have been very involved in his life and he sees me as his mommy.  Several months ago, my son fell apart and as is usual he became extremely abusive toward me.  The worst part is that he uses my precious boy as a weapon to hurt me.  He said he will no longer allow me to see his son.  One of his demands was for me to admit he never had any mental health issues and to tell our extended family that I am sick and made it all up.  One morning he texted me and said I had till the end of the day to comply with his demands.  He said if I didn't he would burn the blanket I had just finished for my grandson and everything else I have given to him.  I was busy that day with a birthday party for my new husband so I put it aside and move on.  Later in the afternoon, he sent me another text telling me that he will begin burning everything soon and if I wanted to say goodbye to my grandson he would let him and I talk on the phone.  I called and spoke to my grandson.  He and I were both crying and I assured him I love him with all of my heart.  He said "daddy is getting ready to burn the blanket you made for me Mimi"... This blanket wasn't just something I made and gave to him.  It was very special to both him and I.  He would snuggle in the rocking chair with me as I crocheted it and we would talk about each stitch being sewn with love.  He told me he misses me so much.  My heart broke into a million pieces during those few moments.  I could hear my son in the background telling my grandson that Mimi is brainwashed and he needs to protect him from me.  It was such a traumatic moment for me but for this sweet little boy it was far worse.  I called the police and asked them to go check on him.  The next day I called and made a report to children's services.  My son did not burn anything and has since allowed me to see my grandson a couple of times.  As you can see I am still impacted by this traumatic incident.  It really took me to a place of feeling like I may no longer love my son.  He has crossed so many lines with me over the years.  I have been the one person in his life who has loved him and stood by him. He is so obnoxious that most people can not be around him for very long.  I have told hm I do not want a relationship with him at this time and I will only talk to him about my grandson.  At this point, I do not know what is next.  I anticipate that many other parents have had similar experiences.  Sharing the stories may help with the release.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Merlot]

Hi RRE, my heart goes out to you.

I can certainly relate to your NDP son.  My eldest DD27 is BPD and her father (my ex-husband) is both that and NDP.  As a child, my eldest wanted her ears pierced again at age 12.  I told her no, that she would have to wait til she was 16.  During a visit to her NDP father, we had a conversation on the phone. She said "guess what?".  I said "what?", she said "dad got our ears pierced again".  In the background i could hear him laughing, saying "tell you mother we will get it done a third time". 

I get totally get how hard it is to leave your son... .I left my husband but unfortunately, my DD has BPD and I can't leave her so I understand how you are feeling.  I hope you are getting much support from this site as I am.  Take care

[Yat4]

 I am so sorry! I have been through this many times with my daughter and my three grandchildren. She hasn't ever purposely destroyed anything that I know of, but gets in fits of rage and does. She always has periods where she won't let us see the kids. I never know from one day to the next if she is going to let them come to see us. The very worst part is the effects that this is having on the children. I don't know what the answer is. I just try to keep things as calm as possible, while maintaining our boundaries and enjoy the children when I have them.
Hoping, wishing and praying for the best for you and your family!