New to the board - 18 year old daughter with BPD and how to help into adulthood

[mom202]

Hi, I'm new here but I wish I had known about this earlier.  My daughter is struggling with accepting adulthood.  I am struggling because she wants to remain dependent and has expressed it by failing community college and only working 12 hours a week.  Refuses to do much around the house.  I feel like the same arguments we had at 8 years old are the ones we are having at 18. 

I love her but her moods have been all over the place through Christmas.  She refuses to see her counselor or get help.  So, I started seeing her counselor for my own sanity. 

I know others have it much worse than I do and we are very fortunate but I look forward to giving and receiving support on this forum.  Thank you.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[JustYouWait]

Hi, and welcome.

As is often said around here, "I'm sorry you had to find us, but I'm glad you found us".

There's a ton to unpack in your post, and you said you're seeing a therapist, which is awesome.  They help so much.  Have you read any of the suggested literature on BPD?  Try "Stop Walking on Eggshells".  Awesome resource.

There is a suggested reading list around here, maybe at the top of the main page.  Take a look.

Can I suggest talking to your therapist about setting boundaries with your daughter (the term here for you would be DD18 = ":)ear Daughter, 18 years old".

As for "having it worse", it's been my limited experience that we really only support and listen, and we don't get into "who has it worse", we all have our struggles, and all of our struggles are valid.  Yours is valid too.

I'm sorry that you're going through this. 

This is exactly the place to vent, cry, blow off steam, rant, rave, and get a shoulder on which to cry.

Welcome.  YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

-jyw   

[JustYouWait]

Yup -

Click on "Glossary" at the top of the page, that'll help with the jargon we use (and I'm terrible at it).

Click on any of the "Library" threads for books, videos, and other stuff.

That's a start... .