my mind is spinning

[bluek9]

I'm new to  any kind of support, never thought I would find such a place to talk. I'm 58 doing my best to deal with my 35 year old daughter who is sunk deep in the despair of BPD. I'm also raising my 6 yr old grandson (her son) we all live together. For me it's like waking up in a land mine field every morning. I've been taking care of her all her life, yet I never get use to the volatile nature of her. Sometimes I get mad at myself and say "why can't I just understand more?" Right now I feel like I spend most of my time protecting my grandson from her wildly swinging moods. I just ordered myself a couple books hoping that will help me understand. Although we are working with a therapist and a psychiatrist the process is painfully slow. I'm open to suggestions on how to maintain my sanity.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[JustYouWait]

Hello, bluek9, and welcome.

I'm sorry you had to find us, but I'm glad you found us.

One thing you said in your post really jumped out at me:  "Why can't I understand more?".

See, the thing is that BPD is a mental illness and their brains aren't wired like most other people's, including yours.  You are trying to understand the impossible to understand - you have no frame of reference from which to base your understanding. 

It's understandable that you don't understand.  Understand?

Maintaining your sanity is paramount to this whole thing.  Do what you want when you can - ride a bike.  Watch tv.  Read.  Do nothing at all - whatever it is that gives you a little joy, do it at every opportunity.

Are you in therapy?  It helps a lot for those of us dealing with BPD loved ones.
 Posting here is also a relief and a release for many of us.

Welcome, and post as often as you wish, about any topic you want to.

-jyw

[bluek9]

Thank you JYW for being the first to reply to me. You are so right about the understanding. I'm an addictions counselor with other family members who suffer mental illness also. Sometimes it takes me having a touch stone to say "oh yeah I know that" and yes I am in therapy for myself.