Hi senseofitall,
Welcome! Have you heard yet about validating?
Scan through this list and check out the concept of
validating/how not to invalidate:
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=36.0Our BPD partners often have a higher need for validation, or a different style of validation than we might be used to. I think she may want more than physical contact, she may want words... .It will be something you need to train yourself on, and it won't always work, but it might help improve things. I know my "partner" does not provide a lot in the way of words as comfort... .he can't think quickly about what to say, gets tongue tied, is often just not able to relate to me emotionally... .his emotions take center... .so, this is stuff you can work on rethink.
Working on it might make you feel better... .how it will all turn out is always unknown.
Are you using any skills or tools yet or still just making sense of this stuff?
wishing you the best, pearl.