Getting Clarity

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

I've been divorced for 9 months now and in Al-anon for about 14 months, which has helped me cope with all the chaos in my marriage.  I think that initially I was not able to except the reality of my relationship and was in a state of shock.  However, over time, I have detached from the chaos, become calm with a sense of objectivity and can accept the reality that I previously denied.  Prior to my marriage I had talked with a friend about my ex and asked her opinion, which she gave. She told me that in her opinion my ex had BPD, which I checked into, but was shocked that anyone could say this, because my perception was so skewed.  In addition, about 4 months into my divorce I read an article about covert narcissism and became extremely agitated.  I went to our therapist and voiced my concerns, but her reply was that I had found an explanation that relieved me of my part in it.  I did not agree that being involved with with a covert narcissist exonerated me from having a part in being with her, but I really couldn't accept it to my core and because I explained many aspects of her behavior with BPD I allowed myself to drop the idea of covert narcissism.  As I have become healthier I've become more open and able to accept things that I previously could not.  I returned to the explanations of covert narcissism and have come to accept that my ex suffers from BPD/NPD.  It does not feel good, because I feel very uncertain in my judgement and a sense of fear with my ability to differentiate between the healthy and the unhealthy.

 


 

[Free1]

I've been divorced for 9 months now and in Al-anon for about 14 months, which has helped me cope with all the chaos in my marriage.  I think that initially I was not able to except the reality of my relationship and was in a state of shock.  However, over time, I have detached from the chaos, become calm with a sense of objectivity and can accept the reality that I previously denied.  Prior to my marriage I had talked with a friend about my ex and asked her opinion, which she gave. She told me that in her opinion my ex had BPD, which I checked into, but was shocked that anyone could say this, because my perception was so skewed.  In addition, about 4 months into my divorce I read an article about covert narcissism and became extremely agitated.  I went to our therapist and voiced my concerns, but her reply was that I had found an explanation that relieved me of my part in it.  I did not agree that being involved with with a covert narcissist exonerated me from having a part in being with her, but I really couldn't accept it to my core and because I explained many aspects of her behavior with BPD I allowed myself to drop the idea of covert narcissism.  As I have become healthier I've become more open and able to accept things that I previously could not.  I returned to the explanations of covert narcissism and have come to accept that my ex suffers from BPD/NPD.  It does not feel good, because I feel very uncertain in my judgement and a sense of fear with my ability to differentiate between the healthy and the unhealthy.

 


 

[pearlsw]

Hi Free1,

What would you say it is that you are becoming more open to accepting? Are you still wrestling with what led to such troubles in the relationship? Do you want to share more about the symptoms you were observing? I am no expert but perhaps it would help to talk this out a bit if you like?

I know it helps me when I list out my "h"'s list of symptoms that I have observed at times so that I can keep a handle on reality.

wishing you well, pearl.