Bordeline sister raising two kids

[LovingSuds]

Hi... .this is my first post and first time sharing about the depths of BPD. My mother was diagnosed 20 years ago and committed suicide 7 years ago. After living a childhood and early adulthood of abuse and confusion, her therapist told me to cut off communication to save myself. I successfully did that for a few years, then wrote a report for her to become a ward of the state to help her with medication management, therapy, and basic life skills. During this time, we/I came thru a healing process until she took her life.

Now, my younger sister has been diagnosed with BPD. She is the mother of two adorable boys (2 and 6) that I love  with all my heart. She has had months of doing good, then she falls apart. She has been homeless for 8 months with the 6 year old because she chose to make bad choices over getting help. Last summer my husband and I ended up with emergency custody for 9 days and the social workers wanted us to keep them for a year. My health won't allow that, so we spent thousands of dollars to try and set her up to be in a better situation. We do for the boys (buy clothes, furniture, toys, trips) but live several states away.

I am truly at a loss. I would love to cease communication with her as she can hurt me to the core. I have fought to get out of the situation in which we were born. I had counseling for 20+ years, put self thru college, and have been grateful for every opportunity provided or offered to me. I have a loving, amazing man who's family was "normal". The two things that stop me from walking away are those two boys. I want to help one or both survive this and be as great as they can be. That may be too much to hope for.

My husband struggles watching me cry or to see the hurt my sister can cause after we do so much for her and the boys. I have asked myself the past week what would be best for all involved. I truly don't know nor do I know what I can live with. My sister recently married a man she has known 5 months after saying she knew being with him was a bad decision. He has 38 arrests including domestic assaults and vehicle manslaughter with DUI. I am working with child protective services, but it is a long road.

Few people understand the emotional toll and pull. I would appreciate others thoughts who understand the complexities. Thanks for this site and for hearing me out.

[Woolspinner2000]

Hi LovingSuds

Thank you for sharing your first post with us! Welcome!

It's wonderful that you have come so far and healed so much on your own journey to recovery from a pwBPD.  My heart also aches with yours over the difficult life these little ones must be having.

The two things that stop me from walking away are those two boys. I want to help one or both survive this and be as great as they can be.

What do you wish you were able to do (if you had the ability to do so) that is within your power to do? There are some things that are valuable to any child in such a situation such as validating them and constantly reminding them that they are not bad or wrong as they may tend to feel. What did you wish you could've heard when you were young?

 
Wools

[Kwamina]

Hi LovingSuds

I would like to join our wooly llama in welcoming you here

You have been through a lot. It is very sad you lost your mother in such a tragic manner. Were you able to get some help back then to process this loss? Do you think the healing process you came through with your mother helped you cope or was it now perhaps even harder losing your mother? It's a very sad reality of BPD that some people with this disorder struggle with suicidal ideation and sometimes even end up taking their own lives.

Now you are dealing with your BPD sister who has also been officially diagnosed. What led up to her getting this diagnosis? Do you feel like she truly acknowledges her BPD and the issues she has?

It's unfortunate that she ended up being homeless and I definitely understand your concerns for her children. How would you describe the way your sister treats her children?

Her new husband's past behavior is also quite concerning indeed. Do you know anything about his current behavior and how he treats your sister and her two kids?

Take care

The Board Parrot

[edomla]

Hello! (Sorry for my english, it isn't my first langage)

I just want to tell you that you are not alone in this situation.

My sister has BPD, she's also a drug addict. She's homeless since a couple of months.
 She has a son who's 6, he has been living with me since almost 4 years now. I have "legal custody" but she still has visit rights (but she hasn't come visit since a whole year).

She's so draining. I wish I could cut her off our life, but I can't since she still has legal rights to see her son. And I can't let him go, he's so amazing and we are his family now.

Anyways... .If you want to connect to talk about your situation... .I would love to... .Nobody around me really understand how difficult it is... .

[Kwamina]

Hi edomla

I also want to welcome you to bpdfamily

My sister has BPD, she's also a drug addict. She's homeless since a couple of months.
 She has a son who's 6, he has been living with me since almost 4 years now. I have "legal custody" but she still has visit rights (but she hasn't come visit since a whole year).

It is sad this situation with your sister. I am glad you are there for her son though and have taken him into your family.

I encourage you to also start a thread of your own on this board so you can share more of your story. Dealing with a BPD sibling can be very difficult indeed, many of our members have experience with this though and will be able to offer you advice and support.

Take care

The Board Parrot

[edomla]

Thank you so much, I started a thread this morning   

Hi edomla

I also want to welcome you to bpdfamily

It is sad this situation with your sister. I am glad you are there for her son though and have taken him into your family.

I encourage you to also start a thread of your own on this board so you can share more of your story. Dealing with a BPD sibling can be very difficult indeed, many of our members have experience with this though and will be able to offer you advice and support.

Take care

The Board Parrot