He was seen with another, hard to cope

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

My friend messaged me tonight that she saw my uBPD ex with another girl in the supermarket. She said they didn't look very happy (weren't smiling or something) and were walking very fast, but that doesn't really matter. He's with another. I'm certain of it now. Of course I was already certain since he has told me himself that he has never been single for longer than two weeks (after his dating life started when he was 16 of course). But now it's just out in the open and I can't escape it anymore. I can't escape that he is happy with another, holding someone else in his arms, moving on. It's just so unfair that he can live his life like that while I am sitting here depressed and lonely and lower than ever and he doesn't even know and he doesn't even care. I keep blaming myself for all the mistakes I made. I just can't let go. Even knowing that he has let go long ago, that he's already found a new someone to cherish and love, even thtat doesn't stop me from longing and hoping and missing and trying to hold on to him. To that fleeting shadow slipping from my fingers. I just don't know what to do with myself anymore. Every day is such a battle and I'm so so tired.

[blooming]

My friend messaged me tonight that she saw my uBPD ex with another girl in the supermarket. She said they didn't look very happy (weren't smiling or something) and were walking very fast, but that doesn't really matter. He's with another. I'm certain of it now. Of course I was already certain since he has told me himself that he has never been single for longer than two weeks (after his dating life started when he was 16 of course). But now it's just out in the open and I can't escape it anymore. I can't escape that he is happy with another, holding someone else in his arms, moving on. It's just so unfair that he can live his life like that while I am sitting here depressed and lonely and lower than ever and he doesn't even know and he doesn't even care. I keep blaming myself for all the mistakes I made. I just can't let go. Even knowing that he has let go long ago, that he's already found a new someone to cherish and love, even thtat doesn't stop me from longing and hoping and missing and trying to hold on to him. To that fleeting shadow slipping from my fingers. I just don't know what to do with myself anymore. Every day is such a battle and I'm so so tired.

[Aiko]

Weirdly it may actually help you find some closure.  Feel the pain and give yourself a few days to settle down.  You will be ok keep working and keep your longterm goal in mind - healthy loving relationship. This short term pain will pass. Remind yourself often that toxic is no good and not sustainable. Hang in there.

[blooming]

Weirdly it may actually help you find some closure.  Feel the pain and give yourself a few days to settle down.  You will be ok keep working and keep your longterm goal in mind - healthy loving relationship. This short term pain will pass. Remind yourself often that toxic is no good and not sustainable. Hang in there.

It's just so hard because my mind keeps erasing all the bad memories or all the hurtful things he's done. All I remember when I think of him is how sweet he was to me, how thoughtful and kind. How he made me feel so so loved and special. It's harder and harder for me to call upon the bad moments, because they are fading so quickly. I really don't understand why and how.

[truthbeknown]

Blooming:

I'm on here bc i am going through the same thing.  My ex moved on very quickly as if i never existed at all.  I am on a relationship forum and personally chatted with a woman who i believe has BPD traits.  She mentioned how she would cheat on men that she went out with to sabotage the relationship and get out.  She had a string of doing this and recently a man cheated on her with porn and it made her feel bad.   She has been doing alot of reading and counseling and she can finally see her part in the whole path of destruction that she left.  As part of her healing she was willing to talk with about how it felt to be a person who hurt all these men.  She said that my ex is probably thinking about me all the time as she thought about all the men that she hurt.  She said, the worse that she hurt them the more she thought about them so she didn't "move on" as we think they have.   

I don't know if it comforted me at all but just made me realize that people like this have a disorder and can't deal with their own internal conflict so they create conflict to get out of perceived conflict which just creates more inner conflict for themselves.  We think that they have "happily" moved on but the truth may lie somewhere in between.  Make no mistake it still hurts like hell and we can't understand it because they are not NeuroTypical.   I keep talking about this but their brains are missing certain connections and processes which produce empathy and self regulating capabilities. 

Don't get me wrong, i still struggle with thoughts of her being in the new guys arms as you have said for your ex but i am practicing training myself that because of their lack of empathy and inability to process emotions normally that she is almost more "androidish" in nature.  I think someone posted about "blade runner" and having that kind of a human look on the outside but more robotic on the inside. 

I am also learning to focus more on me and my traits rather then her and her traits.  When i focus on me i feel better ( i am loving, i am kind, i am caring) bc those traits make me feel good about who i am.  When i focus on her traits and her behavior i become her (unregulated/ dysfunctional etc.).   I believe we take on their projections.  They feel abandoned so they abandon us.  They feel rejected so they reject us.  They feel disconnected from sexual experiences so they make us feel like the sexual experiences didn't mean anything etc. etc.   

When i catch myself realizing that it is NOT me and only THEIR projection of me then i can self regulate again.  Be well, remember who you are.  we support you.