Need help responding when blindsided by rude remark

[The Cookster]

I totally get the BPD person's inability to accept blame for anything and the way I get blind-sided with a rude remark, I just would like help in my response as I know I can't win.

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[RolandOfEld]

Hi The Cookster, its true that communication with a pwBPD (person with BPD) can feel almost impossible at times and completely one-sided.

Have you picked up Stop Walking on Eggshells or I Hate You, Don't Leave Me? I found them very helpful in getting into my wife's headspace a little. It didn't change the communication dynamic much, but I felt much less frustrated about it and found I had more options than I thought.

This skills workshop also has some very helpful information to get started on improving communication:
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=143695.0

Actually I've found these principles hold true to just to anyone, not just a pwBPD.

Hope this helps.

~ROE

[Mutt]

That’s a good point RolandOfEld I have used SET in the work place with coworkers some of the more sensitive ones. I don’t think that you have to completely compromise yourself The Cookster a pwBPD are just wired differently. For example feelings equals facts to a pwBPD where it’s recerseved for us non’s It’s facts first and feelings second.

You have to retool your truth a little differently by addressing the feelings first with validation and that’s something that a pwBPD need a lot of. Package your truth at the end of your statement. Do you have an example for us to work with?

[Imarriedhim]

Hi Cookster

Me too, me too,   I read in 'Stop walking on Eggshells' that BPDs see the world in black and white with a lot of negativity.  And the doctors know that their brains work differently -- but they don't !.   The book  says to us nonBPDs  ':)on't take it personally'  ; 'Take care of yourself'; 'detach with love'

this is where it is for all of us.

It does help me to know that I am not alone as a nonBPD with SO who has BPD.
Jane -- that is Imarriedhim