Ex is literally stalking my new wife online

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

My undiagnosed exwife is literally combing all the social media websites to find any posts that my new wife has made asking for help in dealing with her . She has her Instagram, Facebook, KIK. Her long time boyfriend is a state police officer. So we have to watch over our shoulder all the time for him or his friends. She is telling the children that we are posting bad things about her but really we are just asking for help and guidance. I have not shown the post to my children. We never mention her name and keep it generic as possible. How do we deal with this?

[Anamika]

My undiagnosed exwife is literally combing all the social media websites to find any posts that my new wife has made asking for help in dealing with her . She has her Instagram, Facebook, KIK. Her long time boyfriend is a state police officer. So we have to watch over our shoulder all the time for him or his friends. She is telling the children that we are posting bad things about her but really we are just asking for help and guidance. I have not shown the post to my children. We never mention her name and keep it generic as possible. How do we deal with this?

[livednlearned]

Would your wife consider not posting things about situations involving your ex on social media?

If her hand is tipped, maybe it's time to regroup and think of other ways to get support.

Is she posting as a way to vent (which is valid)? Or is she looking for skilled ways to navigate BPD-level conflict? If it's the latter, she may find it's more productive to learn skills from BPD experts or peer support like this site. Regular feedback typically falls short, in my experience.

Do you feel comfortable sharing what some of the issues are that she's posting about?

[jenbren2006]

Don't have her post anything that can be used against her.  We were going to start a non profit facebook group on domestic violence.  I kept all my posts very generic never mentioning names.  The ex took it as a personal attack against her and took it in front of the judge.  The judge said if we do it again it will be $100 fine per incident.
Also a few years ago I didn't realize that my facebook posts were set to public view and not just friends even though she was blocked she could see them.  She also had her oldest son facebook stalk me as well.  I went on a rant about the Colorado court system and how ridiculous they are and the ex showed these to the judge as well.
Tell her not to post anything about the children absolutely nothing because it will be used against you guys in court-this is legal!

[Anamika]

@Livednlearned
She is not venting.  She was asking for skilled ways to deescalate the conflict.  We see moments of clarity but then it all explodes. 
Paraphrasing here. - Ex is destroying her relationship with the children.  We know they need a relationship with Mum and encourage a relationship with Mum but it is so painful to watch.  Ex will ask us for help and we provide a help/plan and she does the opposite and then blames us.  What's the best way to help her given anything we say will be met with hostility.  Do we say we think you have BPD?

@Jerbren2006
I never rant on Facebook or post anything really.  I don't even feel comfortable post here really.  My wife posts looking for answers.  Even though we have security set to friends only and my ex blocked, she can still see comments people make and will like them on my wife's posts.  It's really bizarre that she randomly likes things.  The bad part is her significant other is a cop.  So the kids tell us they track us on websites and have seen it on their computer.

[jenbren2006]

Like I said before we didn't post anything about her either just looking at starting a non-profit against domestic violence.  Her and their son was blocked but still got on my account and caused hell with our judge for this.  The judge refused to look at our evidence we had even though none of it was directed at her.  She told us to quit acting like high school children. 
If she is asking for advice on facebook your ex will twist it and you guys will look guilty.  Ask advice on this message board only!   I've been on here for three years and she has yet to find me.  I also joined a closed facebook group for our area in Colorado and can safely post there about issues we have had. 
I understand she is not posting anything bad but I am telling you what we went through.  All we were doing was looking to help others and we were found to be as evil as she was with our judge!

[Anamika]

So here is an update.  We have taken all posts down that we could that even remotely had anything to do with our relationship with my UexBPDw.  Now what's funny is UexBPDw has me blocked.  So I created a new account with my name spelled differently.  Then searched for her.  To my surprise she has been posting all kinds of stuff about me on Facebook, and no security everything is public.  Her main posts revolve around me being a narcissist and all her friends commenting and bashing me.  One lives the next street over and was still speaking to me.  I've since avoided any contact with her.  If I see her I walk to the other side of the street. 
Screen printed all of those and forwarded them to my attorneys.  Meet with attorneys and they said it's not even going to be brought up probably and not to worry about it.  If it is then we at least have a rebuttal that we were seeking help and she was having a trash campaign. 

This reminds me of when our counselor pulled me aside many years ago because she was accusing me of sleeping with every woman I came into contact with.  The counselor said to me that she had been doing this for 35 years and in her opinion the ones that accuse are the ones that are cheating.  I said no way, not my wife.  Then I found out that she was.  I like that counselor but as soon as she told the UexBPDw that she was the problem we had to get a new counselor.