Thanks for elaborating.
Over the past few days I have been thinking so much about how I may need to be the one that stops the drama with my partner. I think part of me wanted to have an equal partnership in that both of us have equal responsibility in stopping the harm we do to each other. I know it takes two to engage in conflict and I think that I can take responsibility in that I have not stopped in process when we have conflict. I guess I have felt justified in reacting because I felt I am defending myself.
We all certainly have half the responsibility for the state of our relationships and I admire your proactive attitude. That said, do you think the drama would stop even if you achieved full control of your reactions to the situation? And I wouldn't criticize yourself for reacting. We are all human beings, and even if we know our partner is sick it doesn't always lessen the hurt. I still need to react a lot of the time, too.
I needed to recover.
So true, we need recovery time. When I first found out about my wife's BPD I thought I needed to go into 24 hr action mode until the problem was resolved. So there's no shame in capitulating once in a while to buy ourselves time to recharge.
This site honestly has brought me forward in my thoughts and processes probably more than therapy has. I think perhaps the separation of the people knowing me helps.
That's great. For me the site has provided much more than therapy in terms of a support network and in finding a direction to cope with my wife's BPD. Therapy for me is more about diving deeper into my own issues and for talking face to face (or voice to voice since I do it over the phone).
How else do you think we here could help you?
Yrs,
~ROE