Pending Divorce

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I have been separated from my wife for 2 months (her decision). She gave me non contested divorce papers 3 weeks ago. I signed them and she picked them up on Mar 12. During this time she was suppose to change utilities over to her name, but has not completed this to date and I have no idea if she has filed. We were in communication during this time but i have not heard from her in 4 days. Any idea what i should do? I've not reached out to her. BTW- this would be her 4 divorce and she is in her late 40's.

[Charles1]

I have been separated from my wife for 2 months (her decision). She gave me non contested divorce papers 3 weeks ago. I signed them and she picked them up on Mar 12. During this time she was suppose to change utilities over to her name, but has not completed this to date and I have no idea if she has filed. We were in communication during this time but i have not heard from her in 4 days. Any idea what i should do? I've not reached out to her. BTW- this would be her 4 divorce and she is in her late 40's.

[Panda39]

I have been separated from my wife for 2 months (her decision). She gave me non contested divorce papers 3 weeks ago. I signed them and she picked them up on Mar 12. During this time she was suppose to change utilities over to her name, but has not completed this to date and I have no idea if she has filed. We were in communication during this time but i have not heard from her in 4 days. Any idea what i should do? I've not reached out to her. BTW- this would be her 4 divorce and she is in her late 40's.

You should be able to check with court to see if the papers were filed or not. 

As for the utilities can you just let them know you are going through divorce and no longer live there and get yourself removed?

Panda39

[ForeverDad]

Hmm... .Before you contact her check with your county's domestic relations court or look up their online case listings to0 determine whether she's filed yet.  You could offer to deliver them to court yourself.   Understand there may be a filing fee and if you bring the paperwork in then you may need to pay the fees.

Do you have any joint ownerships or liabilities with her?  Deeds, mortgages, liens, loans, titles, bank accounts or credit accounts?  Get them closed out, they may be a headache to fix later.  Once the divorce is final it may be extremely hard to get the court to motivate her to work with you fixing them.

And once you're divorced be sure to review all beneficiaries you have listed and update them.  Sometimes that happens where ex-spouses are left as beneficiaries long after the marriage is over.

[Speck]

Welcome, Charles1!

 

Let me welcome you here to bpdfamily, and wish for you as much help and support as I have received.  It's clear you have a lot in common with many of us here. This is a community where we help each other, so I'm sure if you keep posting and reading you will find it helpful. It helps to know that you are far from alone.

Thank you for sharing what you have thus far:

We were in communication during this time but i have not heard from her in 4 days. Any idea what i should do? I've not reached out to her.

When I read this, I hear the worry in your question. I'm sorry you're going through this. I was in exactly your shoes recently. After I signed the uncontested divorce papers, my uBPDw didn't file for a couple of months. We were not in communication either. I found out about her actually filing by calling my lawyer and having him check the court system for me. I'm still waiting for the judge to sign off on the request for the divorce, but at least I know she's officially filed.

These things take time, and if the person driving the divorce has BPD, it really takes time. Do you think you could reach out to her to gently nudge her about following through?

I believe you will be greatly comforted by the support here and the fact that we really understand what you are going through. We've all been there to varying degrees. Take care of yourself. We will look out for future posts from you.

Keep writing, keep processing, keep learning!


-Speck