Ending contact to BPD friend without feeling of guilt

[MyBPD_friend]

Hi there,

I want to finally end every contact to my BPD friend.

I wonder what your opinion is. I don't want to feel any guilt, however, after almost a year, in which she never really responded to my questions, leaving letters unresponded,
I feel like I want to get out of this strange friendship/relationship.
I will get a new mobile phone contract and decided to get a new phone number, so she can't send any text messages or call me.

Do you think I need to tell her beforehand, I just don't feel like sending any text to her and just want to stop thinking of her.
I intend to avoid seing her at places where she might go to.

[Dlamf]

No you do not have to feel guilt.  Did she feel guilt after using you as an emotional crutch and punching bag?  Did she feel guilt when she opted to sleep with any/everyone but you?  Guilt is unneccessary.  Oh, she will give quite an academy award worthy preformance, but 10 minutes after you leave her life, she has moved on.  Trust me when I tell you, leaving her and her skills at filling your emotional void, is never that easy.

[heartandwhole]

Hi MyBPD_Friend,

I'm sorry that this has gone on so long. It hurts to lose a friendship. I can understand your wanting to move on from this.

So, it's been almost a year, in which she hasn't engaged with you? You've tried to contact her and she has barely responded?

If I've understood correctly, I don't think you have any reason to feel guilty, although I know that doesn't stop the feeling from being there. 

What feels right according to your values?

heartandwhole

[Cromwell]

Hi there,

I want to finally end every contact to my BPD friend.

I wonder what your opinion is. I don't want to feel any guilt, however, after almost a year, in which she never really responded to my questions, leaving letters unresponded,
I feel like I want to get out of this strange friendship/relationship.
I will get a new mobile phone contract and decided to get a new phone number, so she can't send any text messages or call me.

Do you think I need to tell her beforehand, I just don't feel like sending any text to her and just want to stop thinking of her.
I intend to avoid seing her at places where she might go to.

no, from my experience it is safest if you can just fade away. even this may not work (depending on what your history is with her). but i found it the best way.

 this is actually quite a dangerous stage you are at and needs handled carefully because it risks pushing an "abandoment trigger" button in her, and the results from that can be unpredictable at best, ranging up to armageddon unleashed.

[MyBPD_friend]

Hi MyBPD_Friend,

I'm sorry that this has gone on so long. It hurts to lose a friendship. I can understand your wanting to move on from this.

So, it's been almost a year, in which she hasn't engaged with you? You've tried to contact her and she has barely responded?

If I've understood correctly, I don't think you have any reason to feel guilty, although I know that doesn't stop the feeling from being there.  

What feels right according to your values?

heartandwhole

Thank you heartandwhole.

She didn't respond to any letters at all, even though she said she would. She never wanted to talk about the issues in our friendship when we talked on the phone, which was rare as well (talking on the phone). She didn't respond to my text messages or responded late, I think that was on purpose and some kind of punishment or due to her struggles.
I think she has more issues than just BPD, she has anxiety problems, identity problems and perhaps more.

According to my values (true frienship) in this case, which she knows from my letters, her behaviour is no longer acceptable for me. At this point I want to forget her and get rid of my feelings for her to move on.

This friendship might also have become too difficult for her and became some kind of burdon. I just want to end it.

[MyBPD_friend]

no, from my experience it is safest if you can just fade away. even this may not work (depending on what your history is with her). but i found it the best way.

 this is actually quite a dangerous stage you are at and needs handled carefully because it risks pushing an "abandoment trigger" button in her, and the results from that can be unpredictable at best, ranging up to armageddon unleashed.

Thank you. I know my action with no more contact will trigger her fears of abandoment, but that's not my problem, it hers.
She is the kind of a quite BPD woman, I don't think she would get angry. I think, losing people due to her PD and BPD eats her up slowly and she's struggeling a lot.
She might have feelings of guilt towards me but no anger.
The good thing is, she lives three hours away.

I'm the kind of person who trys to keep friendships if I see any sense and both parties being equal and treated with respect, understanding and some kind of love. I don't see that in her.
I know that her illness is the problem, but I can't heel her or help heeling.
She has a bf she lives with since she was 17 years old, he is 11 years older, and even he doesn't seem to be able to help her. She'll be 34 in three weeks.

[Cromwell]

she will have most likely be used to it by now. id just go no contact, shes likely to paint you black either way.