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Cromwell
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« Reply #30 on: April 14, 2018, 09:49:00 AM » |
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Hi Shawnlam
The amount of letters I wrote, pages full, then had to burn in the garden, during the relationship when I felt I couldnt talk to her, it was like I was having a bonfire night each week. It helped to get it out of the system for me but looking back I am so glad that I never sent any of them. Perhaps you could even write a page and by sheer luck, 99% of it would be recieved the way you intended to it, but what about that other 1%, it would likely trigger a backlash that would make the rest of it completely counterproductive. It just isnt worth it in my opinion.
Even my texts were taken the wrong way often, as has been said, they triggered on an emotional scale as opposed to someone interpreting the content.
Sorry to say this but I found the best way was the less talk and texts the better things went, - to an extent - I then had to careful balance that I wasnt neglecting enough attention at the same time, what a juggling act all that was, exhausting mentally.
eventually whatever I did say in conversations was often very careful, emotionally neutral in content and selective. It took away my natural easy going way of talking and replaced it with the walking on eggshells character. Yes, there was less drama as a result but eventually I realised what is the point in being with someone when you are too afraid to speak your mind. Ironically, "honesty" was one of the highest of values my ex used to attribute to me. In the end, she just couldnt handle the truth, however innocous the things I had to tell her were.
It also depends on what situation you are with her at the moment, there were times I felt that my ex was just waiting for any opportunity to use anything I say and twist it to her means of painting me black. By referring to her BPD i dont think will go down well, even though the way you are doing is based on fact, it doesnt matter. i actually got a "good" result by sort of forgiving my ex by saying that (after she cheated on me) that ive started to read about BPD and I understand. However, she took that as a sort of free-ticket to validate that she hadnt done anything wrong.
Therefore, its all about her feeling good at the end, thats all that mattered ultimately.
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