found out BF has BPD, and he just lost the closest person in his life

[newtoacceptance]

Hi! I am new here. I am actually new to all of this. My boyfriend and I had a wonderful start to our relationship, it was passionate and intense and started very quickly, over time, he started to get upset when we would argue he would push me away and then have fits of rage when I would leave. He finally admitted to himself as well as me that he has BPD. The symptoms, fights, anger, have all gotten worse since is grandmother died. She was the one and only stable person in his life, that showed him love, consistency. As a child, his mother was non-existent in the sense that she treated his brother and sister like gold in comparison, at age 16, his mother filed for divorce, and abandoned him and his sister (14), after his dad had moved out, leaving him on the farm all alone to take care of the farm and his sister. When his dad starting dating again, her children became his family and he did things with her kids that he never did with my boyfriend and his sister. The fights have gotten worse since his grandma died, and I'm trying to help him, but I don't know what to do anymore.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[juju2]

Welcome!
You are in the right place, there is caring, help, and hope here.

It took courage for you to reach out.  This is a safe space.
There are great tools here to learn.  Stop making things worse, that is what I wanted to tackle first.

Read, learn, post here.  There is a lot to learn, at your own pace.


Things get better.  You will be o.k.
I am very glad you found us,

Sincerely, j

[pearlsw]

Hi newtoacceptance,

Let me join juju2 in welcoming you here! Glad to have you here with this, though it's because of such tough reasons!

May I ask how recently his grandmother passed away? Grieving can be so painful, but I imagine with his emotional intensity and her special role in his life it is even that much harder!

Have you already been reading here for awhile before you posted? Or you are totally new? There is a lot to learn in terms of understanding our partners. Do you have any experience yet with the tool of validating? Validation (I don't want to get too many steps ahead if this is all new!)

Can you tell us a bit more about what your interactions with him are like?

with compassion, pearl.