19 year old son BPD I just not coping

[Call123]

I am realy struggling with my son he seems to be getting worse. He has been in three diffrent mental health units when he's needed to. Self harm and suicide attempts are the biggest risk although I am learning to take no notice of the self harm if it dose not need medical attention as he can sometimes use this to manipulate me. There are drug problems involved as well.

He lives with us at home and there are younger brothers in the house that I feel I need to protect them from some of whst he dose as it can make them upset as well. The hardest part I struggle with is that he is so horrible to me the things he says and the way he speaks to me at times. I also feel he constantly manipulates me to do what he wants all the time which I am trying not to do as much. Hos behaviour is hard because he is always looking for a buz of illegal behaviours he brings trouble to our door he steals from us and the constant lies then we chat and I think I'm getting through to him but then it all starts again. He says he is sorry everytime and all the things you want to here but I am tierd of the sorry because I know he dosent mean them.

I just don't think I can keep going like this it's not just me it affects it makes me feel so I'll at times but it's affecting the younger children as well and I don't know what to do

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Merlot]

Hi Call123

Welcome to the bpdfamily 

Im really sorry for what you are going through. Self harm and Suicide Ideation are terrifying for any parent and you have the added pressure of shielding your younger children.

It sounds like you have been in the system getting help however is there now another step you can take with rehabilitation?

Good on you from stepping away from the manipulative behaviours. This is very familiar to me with my daughter. Do your other children have a strategy here too?

I recently read "Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder" by Shari Manning. Its a wonderful book that has great insights for BPD and a dedicated excerpt regarding Suicide Ideation.

There is plenty of information on the board to the right .

Please keep coming and sharing your story as we are all right here with you and understand what you are going through.

Merlot

[Mutt]

Hi Merlot,



Id like to Merlot welcome you to bpdfamily. I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through a difficult time. SI has to be scary and distressing to deal with  I’m glad that you decided to join us, you’ll see that you’ll fit right in here. It helps to share with people that get it.

I don’t have a child with BPD I have an ex wife I completely understand how the difficulty curve when it comes with deals Mc with a owBPD it has to be much harder for a parent I can divorce my spouse. You’re n’t Just concerned about your welfare you’re also worried about the younger kids and you know that things are not getting better. What are the biggest challenges?

[Merlot]

Hi Call123

Thanks for the PM and I can really acknowledge how diificult it must be to think about launching your son into adulthood and moving out clearly as you dont think he is ready. Could this be a strtaegy you coukd work towards?

It sounds like it would give you and the family some much needed space to step back from the drama. It is hard not to want to rescue our children. Believe me I know... .mu daughter drew the lifeblood out of me and sadly I let her for too long at the expense of myself and others.

I have recently finished reading "Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder" by Shari Manning. It has some wonderful guidance regarding manipulation and Suicide Ideation. The approach is based on DBT and provides education in skilling up to deal with BPD. Specifically, there is also guidance on baby steps and how to guide and engage with your BPD child in decision making and opportunities to de-escalate.

Keep sharing with us as orhers will also chime in to offer their spport and what has worked well.

We are all here with you

Merlot