It is so overwhelming when the other person has such persistent mental health issues. Has he been in therapy, even if the therapy didn't 'name' a particular disorder? Or have you tried couples counseling where the counselor is familiar with the range of PDs?
How would you categorize his behavior patterns... .acting out (controlling, dictating or accusing others) or acting in (primarily focused on himself)? Both are difficult to deal with but those of the "acting out" sort do exhibit a big risk of high conflict.
One dilemma you'll face is how you can be an empowered and model parent if this on again / off again relationship continues without improvement. You can follow this quote for the rest of this excerpt.
Most who come here (and whose spouses are not in progressing and meaningful therapy) do end up separating and divorcing. That is a reality no one wanted but at some point there was no other alternative. The point I want to make is that "not staying" does not mean you leave the kids behind. We emphasize that the children need their reasonably normal parent so that at least some of their lives is spent in a stable and loving home, without flying monkeys. We can and should model good and empowered parenting so the children will have an example to follow when seeking their own future adult relationships.
One book published in 1986 had this quote:
As the saying goes, "I'd rather come from a broken home than live in one."
