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Redbird55
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Posts: 1


« on: April 20, 2018, 05:55:40 AM »

This is my first post and boy, is it tough. I didn't start learning about this disorder until my 32 year old daughter told me I had it. Then in the same conversation told me that I was not invited to her wedding because it was "her day". Then I was sent a video and photo album of the wedding  showing others in the place of me and my husband. She sees us as all bad and has gravitated to my wealthy cousin and her husband as her parents. We have not received any communication from her for 6 years before her wedding. No birthday acknowledged or mother's day, fathers day or holidays. We think the only reason she suddenly decided to SKYPE with us once a month is because her new husband is pushing it. It appears to my husband and me that we have been thoroughly discredited to her in laws and my wealthy cousin. We are heartbroken; she is our only child. In addition, my husband has Lewy body dementia diagnosed. She shows little concern.
We were doing fine with her until she enrolled for her Masters in clinical psychology. After she graduated, she dropped her dad and I like a hot potato. How do I know if I really am borderline or not?

She appears to have targeted me more than my husband. I am a little scared about what she might do to me after he passes.

I am worn out in dealing with her because my mother did these sorts of things. My brother and I put up with mom's behavior for 30 years. Since my father died young, we felt responsible for mom.
 I am so weary and don't feel like I have the strength to go through this again with my daughter. She is currently not in our will since she was the one who left. She hadn't been around to leave anything to her. We also feel she would squander it on herself.
Any thoughts?
Redbird55
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Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders
heartandwhole
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 3592



« Reply #1 on: April 20, 2018, 06:15:00 AM »

Hi Redbird55,

Welcome

Welcome to the community! I’m sorry to hear that your relationship with your daughter is so strained. That’s hurtful and very difficult to deal with.

It sounds like this has been going on for a while. How long has your daughter been married?

When you Skype, how does it usually go?

As for having BPD: a professional with experience in BPD, personality disorders, and diagnostics would be the best resource for a diagnosis, in my experience.

More important than any labels is the behavior that you are dealing with, and your reactions to it. We can definitely support you in improving your experience with your daughter.

What kinds of things did you deal with with your mom that remind you of your daughter?

Keep writing. We’re her to listen and support you.

heartandwhole
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When the pain of love increases your joy, roses and lilies fill the garden of your soul.
Merlot
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Posts: 347



« Reply #2 on: April 21, 2018, 01:15:10 AM »

Hi Redbird55

Along with heartandwhole I also welcome you here 

Being told you have a mental health disorder and dis-invited from your daughter's wedding in the same breath must have left you absolutely baffled and confused.  It really is so heart wrenching when our adult children turn on us and we're looking for answers as to why; particularly as she is your only child.  Just know that you and your husband have done the very best that you could and this is NOT your fault.
We were doing fine with her until she enrolled for her Masters in clinical psychology. After she graduated, she dropped her dad and I like a hot potato. How do I know if I really am borderline or not?
Redbird55


I have been cut off from my eldest DD27 on and off since early December 2017 and have not seen her for three months and I can relate to your pain.  Apart from the wonderful resources on the board, I have recently been reading ":)one with the Crying" by Sheri McGregor.  She has been engaging with many parents like us and provides many and varied reasons as to why our children cut us off.  She raises a mental health variation known as "Medical Student Syndrome" whereby many parents become estranged from their adult children who enrol and engage in their own therapy as part of graduate training for Psychology or counselling degrees.

She appears to have targeted me more than my husband. I am a little scared about what she might do to me after he passes.
Redbird55

I have read a number of parents here have a very similar experience in this regard, and I can understand you being fearful.  I am also very much a target over my ex-husband who enables my DD's behaviour.

Do you have a therapist, it sounds like you have a lot going on both now and in the past.  It may be worth downloading and also being able to verify your own concerns about BPD, I must admit I was worried too that I had BPD when things with my DD got out of control.

Take care and keep sharing, we are all here to help you.

Merlot
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