Dedicated to All Those Who Are In/Out of the Struggle...

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

I spent hours and hours researching about BPD, and I am the kind of person that doesn't give up on anything until and unless I have valid proof and I can prove that its not in my control, I find solutions.
In no way am I perfect, and I have flaws just like anyone else.

The following thread is dedicated in my opinion to all the facts I wish I had known while trying to understand BPD.

1)YOU are not responsible for everything that goes wrong in the BPD's world. The only person that you have to make happy, is YOURSELF. If you can't make your self happy, you will never make anyone happy.

2)BPD's have an act that without you they can not survival and it was only through your existence that they became whole again. BPD's are empty inside, because they function on the level of a child, the idea of object permanence doesn't exist. That's why they tend to call you numerous times, or "check up" on you, because they think that unless they have validation and know that you won't go anywhere, they will not be able to survive. The truth is, they were able to survive just fine, before you came along. With every person invovled, its almost as if its a hunting game, and only those that will be easily captured, are hunted.

3)BPD's have a tendency to manipulate situations, circumstances, and fabricate stories. The idea is not that they are doing this on purpose, because at times it may feel like that but they confuse their feelings for facts. For example: My friend Jimmy, was so mean to me, he's not talking to me anymore and he made me walk home. What the BPD isn't telling you is how, she told Jimmy that unless he was going to do her homework, she was not taking a ride with him. He didn't give into her demands so she walked home. Another example is,  A husband locked his wife inside the room accidently, when he opened up the wife was angry and upset, and blamed the husband for deliberately abandoning her.

4)BPD's will ask you to say I love you numerous times in a relationship, as a way for them to feel comfort that you are not leaving, and you will stick it through with them. You can say it a billion times, but at the end, the one day that you don't say it will be used against you for eternity.

5)BPD's will want a commitment from you at one point or another, the reason they shower you with so much affection is because its a trade for them, they provide you with the time of your life that you can't forget but at a price, it could be marriage, financial, anything. They will do all means to keep you tied in. The only problem is, they get to decide when the marriage ends, when the money stops coming in, and when the kids have to go.

6)BPD's have a fear of being alone, its this fear of being alone that they push every person in their lives out the minute they start becoming attached to them. They are so used to chaos in their life that the minute something stable comes around, they push it away and then come back, hence the idea of push and pull. They will do some of the craziest things, just to see your limits. It's almost a test to see how much they can push you to the edge, many leave at this point and those that are the heroes try to stay ultimately to get ripped apart.

7)You can give it your all to this person, at the end the one thing you are not able to give to them, will be your downfall. They are not used to hearing the word no, and what kid wants to hear no when hes always been given everything he/she needs.

8)BPD's lack empathy, they will pretend that they care so much, write you letters like as if its Romeo and Juliet coming to life. These are all tactics, by giving you these things, its as if a part of them will always remain with you. Think about it, you have these things to remind you about them, despite knowing they are gone.

9)BPD's will break up with you when its convienent for them, and will get back to you when its convienent for them.

10)BPDs look for needs and look for fulfillment, these needs like the textbook could be anything. But the minute, your needs are greater than her needs, its too much for her to handle and she backs off.

11)BPD's don't want children generally, and why would they? When they are a kid themselves, Why would they want to create competition amongst themselves. It gets harder for them to survive, because now they have to act as an adult.

12)BPD's will go to great lengths to have you return when they feel like their needs are no longer being met by their current partner. The new partner is never aware of any of these tactics, hes just as clueless as the next one.

13)BPD's move on quickly from one person to another, BUT they will always reel back in their ex's why? Because shes acted 10000x worse to the ex's then the new guy, the ex is used to her strange behavoir, she can let out her frustrations on the ex and not feel guilty at all.

14)BPD's either drive recklessly, spend too much, or engage in dangerous sexual behavoirs. They have their way of letting out their feelings, and they do so in these tactics, because they find that these behavoirs for a temporary time will let all the negative energy go.

15)BPD's will at some point make threats/ even go to the extend to perform suicide. Although a suicide threat should always be taken seriously and if you find yourself in this situation, call 911 ASAP. Most of the time (Just my opinion) they are fabricating it as a means to get what they want.

16)BPD's mold themselves into exactly what the person wants, thats why they never have one fixed personality. They see the world as their good or bad, aka black or white.  Every person has this label,
when you are labeled bad, your thrown out like garbage, and when your labeled good, your cherished and the honeymoon period begins all over again.

17) When BPD's perform unacceptable behavoirs, and they are punished in the form of No Contact,
or the silence treatment, they try to break boundaries, they will do everything they can to show you
that they have somehow changed. As hard as it is to accept it, they haven't. Actions speak louder than words, thats the best way to keep it smooth.

18)BPD's will cry when they know that it will get you to fall into their traps, its a tactic to make you feel bad and realize that no matter what they did, its time for you to apologize because you made me cry.

19)BPD's will never be satisified with you, you can donate your kidney, and they will steal leave you or ask why you didn't donate the other one.

20)BPD's will tell you that they were diagnosed with depression, but they won't tell you the cause
of the depression. The cause is ultimately that they have BPD and most are aware of this but its too hard for them to accept it so they blame every one else around them.

21)BPD's will always try to come back to you at one point in time, its dependent upon you whether you would like them to abuse you again and again.

22)NO BPD is exactly alike all these facts/opinions are based on my judgement, In no way is this offensive to anyone. BPD is a mental illness, but that does not give them the right to abuse you, it should be treated and like they say only those that really take therapy to the highest levels achieve results.

23) BPD can't be cured, the triggers can be treated, and you can form a more healthy bond and relationship, but theres always a chance of relapse and 75% of cases do not want to get treated. They end up blaming their therapists with crazy stories, at which point even the therapists can frustrated and avoid such patients.

24)Anytime something is too good too be true, its definitely true. Don't fight the idea of why you fell for him/her, fight for how your going to make yourself feel better. The first of healing whether its BPD, or any other form of abuse, is understanding that its not your fault.

25)No contact is not one remedy fits all, the idea of no contact only works when your 100% ready to let go, it means that you formed a boundary, and your not looking back EVER. It's only then that it makes it effective, the second you changed your mind is when its not healthy anymore. The idea of enforcing your rules is abiding them and staying true to your values. Don't let someone control your life, be in control of YOUR OWN LIFE.

These forums are amazing, so whatever you want to talk about, feel free too. Also, this guide or article as you say is based on my opinion solely. I recommend it as a readers digest, because if you feel like these things are happening to you, chances are your standing next to a BPD. In no way, should we place the blame on them, we were attracted to them at a given point in time. The only thing is, we can't keep expectations from them, because they don't have the emotional intelligence, to give you what a normal healthy relationship requires. No relationship should be based on taking and taking and taking. Give your heart a break, it will thank you.


Good luck to all of those in the struggle.
I hope that this guide gives you some comfort that your perfectly fine, your just facing someone thats not healthy. I hope and pray that in the future, those that read this don't have to go through the drama, heartache, but listen, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

-Strugger123

[Struggler123]

I spent hours and hours researching about BPD, and I am the kind of person that doesn't give up on anything until and unless I have valid proof and I can prove that its not in my control, I find solutions.
In no way am I perfect, and I have flaws just like anyone else.

The following thread is dedicated in my opinion to all the facts I wish I had known while trying to understand BPD.

1)YOU are not responsible for everything that goes wrong in the BPD's world. The only person that you have to make happy, is YOURSELF. If you can't make your self happy, you will never make anyone happy.

2)BPD's have an act that without you they can not survival and it was only through your existence that they became whole again. BPD's are empty inside, because they function on the level of a child, the idea of object permanence doesn't exist. That's why they tend to call you numerous times, or "check up" on you, because they think that unless they have validation and know that you won't go anywhere, they will not be able to survive. The truth is, they were able to survive just fine, before you came along. With every person invovled, its almost as if its a hunting game, and only those that will be easily captured, are hunted.

3)BPD's have a tendency to manipulate situations, circumstances, and fabricate stories. The idea is not that they are doing this on purpose, because at times it may feel like that but they confuse their feelings for facts. For example: My friend Jimmy, was so mean to me, he's not talking to me anymore and he made me walk home. What the BPD isn't telling you is how, she told Jimmy that unless he was going to do her homework, she was not taking a ride with him. He didn't give into her demands so she walked home. Another example is,  A husband locked his wife inside the room accidently, when he opened up the wife was angry and upset, and blamed the husband for deliberately abandoning her.

4)BPD's will ask you to say I love you numerous times in a relationship, as a way for them to feel comfort that you are not leaving, and you will stick it through with them. You can say it a billion times, but at the end, the one day that you don't say it will be used against you for eternity.

5)BPD's will want a commitment from you at one point or another, the reason they shower you with so much affection is because its a trade for them, they provide you with the time of your life that you can't forget but at a price, it could be marriage, financial, anything. They will do all means to keep you tied in. The only problem is, they get to decide when the marriage ends, when the money stops coming in, and when the kids have to go.

6)BPD's have a fear of being alone, its this fear of being alone that they push every person in their lives out the minute they start becoming attached to them. They are so used to chaos in their life that the minute something stable comes around, they push it away and then come back, hence the idea of push and pull. They will do some of the craziest things, just to see your limits. It's almost a test to see how much they can push you to the edge, many leave at this point and those that are the heroes try to stay ultimately to get ripped apart.

7)You can give it your all to this person, at the end the one thing you are not able to give to them, will be your downfall. They are not used to hearing the word no, and what kid wants to hear no when hes always been given everything he/she needs.

8)BPD's lack empathy, they will pretend that they care so much, write you letters like as if its Romeo and Juliet coming to life. These are all tactics, by giving you these things, its as if a part of them will always remain with you. Think about it, you have these things to remind you about them, despite knowing they are gone.

9)BPD's will break up with you when its convienent for them, and will get back to you when its convienent for them.

10)BPDs look for needs and look for fulfillment, these needs like the textbook could be anything. But the minute, your needs are greater than her needs, its too much for her to handle and she backs off.

11)BPD's don't want children generally, and why would they? When they are a kid themselves, Why would they want to create competition amongst themselves. It gets harder for them to survive, because now they have to act as an adult.

12)BPD's will go to great lengths to have you return when they feel like their needs are no longer being met by their current partner. The new partner is never aware of any of these tactics, hes just as clueless as the next one.

13)BPD's move on quickly from one person to another, BUT they will always reel back in their ex's why? Because shes acted 10000x worse to the ex's then the new guy, the ex is used to her strange behavoir, she can let out her frustrations on the ex and not feel guilty at all.

14)BPD's either drive recklessly, spend too much, or engage in dangerous sexual behavoirs. They have their way of letting out their feelings, and they do so in these tactics, because they find that these behavoirs for a temporary time will let all the negative energy go.

15)BPD's will at some point make threats/ even go to the extend to perform suicide. Although a suicide threat should always be taken seriously and if you find yourself in this situation, call 911 ASAP. Most of the time (Just my opinion) they are fabricating it as a means to get what they want.

16)BPD's mold themselves into exactly what the person wants, thats why they never have one fixed personality. They see the world as their good or bad, aka black or white.  Every person has this label,
when you are labeled bad, your thrown out like garbage, and when your labeled good, your cherished and the honeymoon period begins all over again.

17) When BPD's perform unacceptable behavoirs, and they are punished in the form of No Contact,
or the silence treatment, they try to break boundaries, they will do everything they can to show you
that they have somehow changed. As hard as it is to accept it, they haven't. Actions speak louder than words, thats the best way to keep it smooth.

18)BPD's will cry when they know that it will get you to fall into their traps, its a tactic to make you feel bad and realize that no matter what they did, its time for you to apologize because you made me cry.

19)BPD's will never be satisified with you, you can donate your kidney, and they will steal leave you or ask why you didn't donate the other one.

20)BPD's will tell you that they were diagnosed with depression, but they won't tell you the cause
of the depression. The cause is ultimately that they have BPD and most are aware of this but its too hard for them to accept it so they blame every one else around them.

21)BPD's will always try to come back to you at one point in time, its dependent upon you whether you would like them to abuse you again and again.

22)NO BPD is exactly alike all these facts/opinions are based on my judgement, In no way is this offensive to anyone. BPD is a mental illness, but that does not give them the right to abuse you, it should be treated and like they say only those that really take therapy to the highest levels achieve results.

23) BPD can't be cured, the triggers can be treated, and you can form a more healthy bond and relationship, but theres always a chance of relapse and 75% of cases do not want to get treated. They end up blaming their therapists with crazy stories, at which point even the therapists can frustrated and avoid such patients.

24)Anytime something is too good too be true, its definitely true. Don't fight the idea of why you fell for him/her, fight for how your going to make yourself feel better. The first of healing whether its BPD, or any other form of abuse, is understanding that its not your fault.

25)No contact is not one remedy fits all, the idea of no contact only works when your 100% ready to let go, it means that you formed a boundary, and your not looking back EVER. It's only then that it makes it effective, the second you changed your mind is when its not healthy anymore. The idea of enforcing your rules is abiding them and staying true to your values. Don't let someone control your life, be in control of YOUR OWN LIFE.

These forums are amazing, so whatever you want to talk about, feel free too. Also, this guide or article as you say is based on my opinion solely. I recommend it as a readers digest, because if you feel like these things are happening to you, chances are your standing next to a BPD. In no way, should we place the blame on them, we were attracted to them at a given point in time. The only thing is, we can't keep expectations from them, because they don't have the emotional intelligence, to give you what a normal healthy relationship requires. No relationship should be based on taking and taking and taking. Give your heart a break, it will thank you.


Good luck to all of those in the struggle.
I hope that this guide gives you some comfort that your perfectly fine, your just facing someone thats not healthy. I hope and pray that in the future, those that read this don't have to go through the drama, heartache, but listen, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

-Strugger123

[Cromwell]

thats a really excellent list Struggler.

about point 11; some do because it can cement the r/s and make it harder to become abandoned, they can actually be very obssessive about marrying and having a kid. Of course once they have either, the mask can drop as they cant be abandoned easily due to marriage and especially having a child. The child can then also be controlled easily so as to either triangulate against the partner, and/or become a more permament style of caretaker taking on responsibilities for what should be the adult. In fact, its how borderline gets created in the first place.

I really liked 25 about NC is not a one sized fit all, I had to find some closure first before doing it, im glad I did. I guess it depends as you say on your unique circumstances. but generally it is the ultimate thing to work toward if possible.

and just some quick commentary on the last bit about being perfectly fine but facing someone not healthy. From my own experience, this R/S taught me that I wasnt emotionally healthy myself to have put up with so much as I did. Sure, there wasnt much warning signs initially, and it is a very manipulative type I was with, but there came a time where once hooked in, If I was emotionally strong and not damaged in some similar way, I would have dealt with it far better than I had. Im talking, leaving as soon as the honeymoon period finished and the cheating began. Once it seemed I tolerated that, things only got worse and I still dont know where 2 years of my life went putting up with crazy. Push/Pull all the way, the more love gave, paradoxically, the more hurt given back. Great post Struggler123, thanks.

[Struggler123]

thats a really excellent list Struggler.

about point 11; some do because it can cement the r/s and make it harder to become abandoned, they can actually be very obssessive about marrying and having a kid. Of course once they have either, the mask can drop as they cant be abandoned easily due to marriage and especially having a child. The child can then also be controlled easily so as to either triangulate against the partner, and/or become a more permament style of caretaker taking on responsibilities for what should be the adult. In fact, its how borderline gets created in the first place.

I really liked 25 about NC is not a one sized fit all, I had to find some closure first before doing it, im glad I did. I guess it depends as you say on your unique circumstances. but generally it is the ultimate thing to work toward if possible.

and just some quick commentary on the last bit about being perfectly fine but facing someone not healthy. From my own experience, this R/S taught me that I wasnt emotionally healthy myself to have put up with so much as I did. Sure, there wasnt much warning signs initially, and it is a very manipulative type I was with, but there came a time where once hooked in, If I was emotionally strong and not damaged in some similar way, I would have dealt with it far better than I had. Im talking, leaving as soon as the honeymoon period finished and the cheating began. Once it seemed I tolerated that, things only got worse and I still dont know where 2 years of my life went putting up with crazy. Push/Pull all the way, the more love gave, paradoxically, the more hurt given back. Great post Struggler123, thanks.

I can only imagine what you have been through. Its always a struggle with BPd’s. But you came out as a survivor and thats all that matters. I completet agree, BPD’s tens to find the weakness in you and abuse it to the core. I had to find closure as well, it was only after I found that I felt like I cant believe I wasted so much time over this person that has no empathy and is not emotionally stable. Its funny because I remember her saying, i’m happy with this new guy but i love you. At that point I was like... its time for me draw the line and I promised myself that I was never going ti look back

[randomuser94]

I can only imagine what you have been through. Its always a struggle with BPd’s. But you came out as a survivor and thats all that matters. I completet agree, BPD’s tens to find the weakness in you and abuse it to the core. I had to find closure as well, it was only after I found that I felt like I cant believe I wasted so much time over this person that has no empathy and is not emotionally stable. Its funny because I remember her saying, i’m happy with this new guy but i love you. At that point I was like... its time for me draw the line and I promised myself that I was never going ti look back

"I'm happy with this guy but I love you and I always will". I've heard it as well. While she was telling me this, at the same time was telling everyone else how much of a monster I was etc etc.

It is a great list indeed. It's the type of list everyone should read at least once

[Struggler123]

"I'm happy with this guy but I love you and I always will". I've heard it as well. While she was telling me this, at the same time was telling everyone else how much of a monster I was etc etc.

It is a great list indeed. It's the type of list everyone should read at least once

It's really sad, but thats the truth, in no way am I making out to be the victim nor do I blame her. It's sad that she is not able to comprehend what true emotions are and that's not her fault. But, to tell someone you love them, while being with someone else, thats where it just draws the line. I feel bad for the new guy, because that could have been me, all while I would not know about it. I just have too much respect and dignity to ever go down that line, I don't think its possible to just be friends with a BPD, it doesn't work that way. Thank you, these were all the signs that I had overlooked. It's funny how the source of inspiration came when, my ex suddenly wanted to get married to someone else within 4 days she made this decision because I wanted to give it time to see, if she really had gotten better, and I also needed time to make something for myself. Good luck to you, and I hope I helped. Feel free to share your thoughts.

[GlennT]

Thanks i Lists always help us all. Even old vets like me need a refresher. I can tell you put a lot of time and energy into this list for future use in the bloody BPD battlefront. I would just like to add that everyone is different. GOD made us that way. We all have our own exclusive personalities. People with BPD do too. Many new victims can still get trapped, but knowledge is power in this war, and thankfully we have this site to help us win.

[Struggler123]

Thanks i Lists always help us all. Even old vets like me need a refresher. I can tell you put a lot of time and energy into this list for future use in the bloody BPD battlefront. I would just like to add that everyone is different. GOD made us that way. We all have our own exclusive personalities. People with BPD do too. Many new victims can still get trapped.

Glad I could be of assistance, I remember writing this at a very tough time, but now reflecting back on it. I think I could do a PhD in BPD, (just kidding) Off course, no two people can ever be the same. The only problem is, we accept the love that that we think we deserve, rather than accepting the love that we give, if it can't be reproduced back to you, its not love. No relationship makes you want to go find "hiding place." I mean I feel like my image of love is calmness, playfulness, patience, the ability to understand that I will say something stupid, but you won't hold it against me for the rest of my life. Real love doesn't expect competition, because it will stand next to you not against you. Good luck to everyone, and I hope that, I was able to make a difference. If anyone ever wants to talk, whether personal messaging or on one of the threads, feel free.

[MyBPD_friend]

Hi Strugger, nice to meet you here.

9)BPD's will break up with you when its convienent for them, and will get back to you when its convienent for them.

That happened to me after 6 months of NC. She wanted to see me. A few SMS along the road in a few minutes, I told her I won't be coming to her to see her and explained that this would be the old game and it would be just very convenient for her. I rejected and she was pissed and punished me with NC again.

1)YOU are not responsible for everything that goes wrong in the BPD's world. The only person that you have to make happy, is YOURSELF. If you can't make your self happy, you will never make anyone happy.

I told her in a long letter in February that I'm not responsible for her feelings, her bad memories in life and her illness.

3)BPD's have a tendency to manipulate situations, circumstances, and fabricate stories.

I told her, also in a letter, that she has been manipulating me in the most strange way I've ever experienced.

8)BPD's lack empathy,
I told her that she is not capable of feeling empathy

10)BPDs look for needs and look for fulfillment, these needs like the textbook could be anything. But the minute, your needs are greater than her needs, its too much for her to handle and she backs off.

I've been there and it's so true.

14)BPD's either drive recklessly, spend too much, or engage in dangerous sexual behavoirs. They have their way of letting out their feelings, and they do so in these tactics, because they find that these behavoirs for a temporary time will let all the negative energy go.

That's how we met actually - no surprise, love bombing with no end, same night, she started kissing a stranger for hours, even her beeing in a long time rs with her by.


17) When BPD's perform unacceptable behavoirs, and they are punished in the form of No Contact,
or the silence treatment, they try to break boundaries, they will do everything they can to show you
that they have somehow changed.

Yes, happened, but I saw clearly there was no real change.

18)BPD's will cry when they know that it will get you to fall into their traps, its a tactic to make you feel bad and realize that no matter what they did, its time for you to apologize because you made me cry.

Happened to me. She started crying the first night when I wanted to leave and say good bye, we just met hours before. She started crying like a hysteric girl, trying to get me stay in the guestrooms, which I finally agreed on to stop the crying.

20)BPD's will tell you that they were diagnosed with depression, but they won't tell you the cause
of the depression. The cause is ultimately that they have BPD and most are aware of this but its too hard for them to accept it so they blame every one else around them.

Yes, during the second night out, she suddenly said that she has personality and identity problems without explaining a word... .At taht point I knew there was something 'sick' going on with her. Unfortunately I didn't know anything about BPD or any other disorder. If I had known, I'ld escape like a firework would explode next to me.

21)BPD's will always try to come back to you at one point in time, its dependent upon you whether you would like them to abuse you again and again. PD can't be cured, the triggers can be treated, and you can form a more healthy bond and relationship, but theres always a chance of relapse and 75% of cases do not want to get treated.

That's the reason I went total NC with a new phone number - I'm out of her reach.

24)Anytime something is too good too be true, its definitely true. Don't fight the idea of why you fell for him/her, fight for how your going to make yourself feel better. The first of healing whether its BPD, or any other form of abuse, is understanding that its not your fault.
25)No contact is not one remedy fits all, the idea of no contact only works when your 100% ready to let go, it means that you formed a boundary, and your not looking back EVER. It's only then that it makes it effective, the second you changed your mind is when its not healthy anymore. The idea of enforcing your rules is abiding them and staying true to your values. Don't let someone control your life, be in control of YOUR OWN LIFE.

Best possible advise for anyone here, beeing married with kids is a different story - I know.


Strugger, thank you so much for putting all this together.

[Struggler123]

Hi Strugger, nice to meet you here.

9)BPD's will break up with you when its convienent for them, and will get back to you when its convienent for them.

That happened to me after 6 months of NC. She wanted to see me. A few SMS along the road in a few minutes, I told her I won't be coming to her to see her and explained that this would be the old game and it would be just very convenient for her. I rejected and she was pissed and punished me with NC again.

1)YOU are not responsible for everything that goes wrong in the BPD's world. The only person that you have to make happy, is YOURSELF. If you can't make your self happy, you will never make anyone happy.

I told her in a long letter in February that I'm not responsible for her feelings, her bad memories in life and her illness.

3)BPD's have a tendency to manipulate situations, circumstances, and fabricate stories.

I told her, also in a letter, that she has been manipulating me in the most strange way I've ever experienced.

8)BPD's lack empathy,
I told her that she is not capable of feeling empathy

10)BPDs look for needs and look for fulfillment, these needs like the textbook could be anything. But the minute, your needs are greater than her needs, its too much for her to handle and she backs off.

I've been there and it's so true.

14)BPD's either drive recklessly, spend too much, or engage in dangerous sexual behavoirs. They have their way of letting out their feelings, and they do so in these tactics, because they find that these behavoirs for a temporary time will let all the negative energy go.

That's how we met actually - no surprise, love bombing with no end, same night, she started kissing a stranger for hours, even her beeing in a long time rs with her by.


17) When BPD's perform unacceptable behavoirs, and they are punished in the form of No Contact,
or the silence treatment, they try to break boundaries, they will do everything they can to show you
that they have somehow changed.

Yes, happened, but I saw clearly there was no real change.

18)BPD's will cry when they know that it will get you to fall into their traps, its a tactic to make you feel bad and realize that no matter what they did, its time for you to apologize because you made me cry.

Happened to me. She started crying the first night when I wanted to leave and say good bye, we just met hours before. She started crying like a hysteric girl, trying to get me stay in the guestrooms, which I finally agreed on to stop the crying.

20)BPD's will tell you that they were diagnosed with depression, but they won't tell you the cause
of the depression. The cause is ultimately that they have BPD and most are aware of this but its too hard for them to accept it so they blame every one else around them.

Yes, during the second night out, she suddenly said that she has personality and identity problems without explaining a word... .At taht point I knew there was something 'sick' going on with her. Unfortunately I didn't know anything about BPD or any other disorder. If I had known, I'ld escape like a firework would explode next to me.

21)BPD's will always try to come back to you at one point in time, its dependent upon you whether you would like them to abuse you again and again. PD can't be cured, the triggers can be treated, and you can form a more healthy bond and relationship, but theres always a chance of relapse and 75% of cases do not want to get treated.

That's the reason I went total NC with a new phone number - I'm out of her reach.

24)Anytime something is too good too be true, its definitely true. Don't fight the idea of why you fell for him/her, fight for how your going to make yourself feel better. The first of healing whether its BPD, or any other form of abuse, is understanding that its not your fault.
25)No contact is not one remedy fits all, the idea of no contact only works when your 100% ready to let go, it means that you formed a boundary, and your not looking back EVER. It's only then that it makes it effective, the second you changed your mind is when its not healthy anymore. The idea of enforcing your rules is abiding them and staying true to your values. Don't let someone control your life, be in control of YOUR OWN LIFE.

Best possible advise for anyone here, beeing married with kids is a different story - I know.


Strugger, thank you so much for putting all this together.

Pleasure, MyBPD_friend


Honestly, I know what its like to face everything all at once, everything I wrote was based on what happened to me. I really appreciate your input and the way you were able to confirm all the things in the list I put together. I'm sorry that you had to go through that as well. The biggest problem I had was trying to understand, BPD. I remember the first time I got the hint about it, I read everything about it trying to find some way to make her better, but then I learned how to form boundaries, but by that time, she was already ready to move on to someone else, because BPD's want to be in control. I did everything that a "nice guy would do" and if not probably more. The sad part is that, she wanted to be friends with me after everything happened, as if I was the one to blame for not "Fighting for her with the new guy cause he gave her the commitment and I didnt" Its sad, really sad. But we live and learn, and let go of the things we can't control.