Try not to compare yourself or your r/s with what he is doing now with another person. I know that can be hard, but you are already hurting and adding to that doesn't serve you at all. In reality, if he follows this pattern of behaviour, it will in time follow the same pattern in the next r/s.
My mom says she thinks he did really like me, but what made him feel safe with me also scared the ___ out of him so he ran.
Could this be true?
There's a grain of truth in what your mom is saying. A BPD sufferer not only struggles with fear of abandonment, but also with
Fear of Engulfment. The link is to a workshop on the topic, where you can find more information on this. In short, when a r/s becomes close, a sufferer can panic and fear being almost consumed by the r/s, so may well run from this. Ironically, the one thing a pwBPD craves - to be loved - becomes impossible due to this. The abandonment they so fear happens as they either leave (preventing the perceived impending abandonment by getting out first) or cause the partner to leave them through their resulting behaviour. It's a very sad byproduct of the illness.
I'm interested to know whether you would feel differently if you were to know more about his reasons? How often are you checking his social media?
Love and light x
