Emotional saturation point reached

[Cromwell]

Does anyone else ever get emotionally exhausted despite for all intents and purposes, feeling that they have overcome it, or the very worst of it?

everything feels better, then the goal posts get moved and realisation that theres still work to be done.

I realise I think about my BPDx when not even realising why. It mostly happens on my days off from work. It is difficult to think everything is done on a practical basis, there seems no logic to entertain the thought, or give the time of day to her anymore at all, I squared everything away that I could and life, in comparison, is far better then it was.

yet, the thoughts are there. annoying and surreptitiously causing a bit of emotional burn out.

there is no emotion attached, not even depression, or a numbness. just an impromptu ghost following me around. Call Ghostbusters?

I wonder if anyone has felt the same, I can only put it down to still processing some unresolved residual thoughts. At least, thats what I hope it is.

In either case, going to try and take a small break from the boards for a few days to see if that helps, will be back.

in the meantime, take care of yourselves and each other.  

[Skip]

Most of us don't know much about your story. You explore your feelings and interpretations of it here, and deal with abstractions (e.g., vampire, psychopath, etc.) but even reading your full post history, sheds little on what happened to you. There was a grudge about something. There was an extremely hurtful, but unexplained expression of betrayal. There is the possibility of infidelity.

It might help us all to have a clinical outline of what all happened. It might help you to.

Years ago, we had a guy submit a book for us to review. He had been treated for three years by life coach. The book was the most complex and convoluted review of a failed relationship and of the psychology of relationships I had ever read. And the author, threes years out, was very confused and fearful of relationships going forward.

There is pathology in these relationships for sure. There is also a lot of just human nature, boy girl stuff. Sometimes we have our own vulnerabilities in the mix. It helps to separate it all out.

cocaine whore

a succint, factual, crystal clear diagnosis.

it might not be in the official diagnostic manual, but its good enough for me.

No need to get my mind anymore in a maze or a spin trying to over complicate. So thats it all over then. I skinned the chameleon from what it tried so hard to disguise. what I believe now it really wanted was for me to go down and join her in her sad life. as they say, and its true "misery loves company".

to summarise the book, the hero who was betrayed by a temptress he fell in love with, who turns out to be a witch who put a spell on him. despite being mortally wounded, kills her, kills off her army of monkeys, shrugs it all off as just another days work, he rides alone into the sunset back to his village and family who rejoice his return. after some time help to replenesh his health, hes finally back and looks forward to the next rescue adventure. or perhaps for the sequel, just "adventure".

You have this narrative. Why not set it aside and contemplate another, probably messier, narrative. You can always go back to the original.

[Speck]

Dear Cromwell,

Does anyone else ever get emotionally exhausted despite for all intents and purposes, feeling that they have overcome it, or the very worst of it?

Yes. Absolutely. Healing is a process.

In either case, going to try and take a small break from the boards for a few days to see if that helps, will be back.

This is understandable. It may help to not be immersed in this world for a bit. We'll be here when you return. In the meantime, be kind to yourself.


-Speck

[Cromwell]

Hi Skip.

That about her being a chameleon and cocaine whore was just a skeleton first draft.

I get the underlying message you are trying to send, we all have our own unique way of recovering, for me it helped to get angry and dehumanise and see her as an enemy. A depolarisation of my own, and some painting black, it has worked to get to the stage I feel now, that is mostly being dispassionate. I wont be writing a book about it, im already disappointed it took me 8 months to start to feel like my life is back.

If i get emotionally burned out, its the equivalent of going to the gym then needing time for that torn muscle to rebuild itself, but become stronger than it was previously. At least that is how I feel today and I am grateful for this forum. What i find upsets is to see other people at the situation I was in, going through the devastation and you do sort of relive it momentarily.

have a good day.

[Struggler123]

Hi Skip.

That about her being a chameleon and cocaine whore was just a skeleton first draft.

I get the underlying message you are trying to send, we all have our own unique way of recovering, for me it helped to get angry and dehumanise and see her as an enemy. A depolarisation of my own, and some painting black, it has worked to get to the stage I feel now, that is mostly being dispassionate. I wont be writing a book about it, im already disappointed it took me 8 months to start to feel like my life is back.

If i get emotionally burned out, its the equivalent of going to the gym then needing time for that torn muscle to rebuild itself, but become stronger than it was previously. At least that is how I feel today and I am grateful for this forum. What i find upsets is to see other people at the situation I was in, going through the devastation and you do sort of relive it momentarily.

have a good day.

Trust me I know its hard but your doing good. I have my good days and bad days. Bad days I wana write a guide to 101 Reasons about BPD's, even though at times I still hold my self accountable, but then I remember that seeing all these experiences on the forum as well, do I really want to become another story like that. I was able to get out before marriage, kids and all these circumstances. Would I have had the courage to leave if all of that was invovled? I honestly commend every person thats battling through this, its a tough journey and sometimes we just have to hope for the best and heal ourselves.

[Cromwell]

Trust me I know its hard but your doing good. I have my good days and bad days. Bad days I wana write a guide to 101 Reasons about BPD's, even though at times I still hold my self accountable, but then I remember that seeing all these experiences on the forum as well, do I really want to become another story like that. I was able to get out before marriage, kids and all these circumstances. Would I have had the courage to leave if all of that was invovled? I honestly commend every person thats battling through this, its a tough journey and sometimes we just have to hope for the best and heal ourselves.

Thanks spero and struggler.

Yes it has been one of the hardest things I've had to go through but I feel fortunate that life not only is starting again to be enjoyable without her (who would have thought?) :D but a sort of perverse BPD experience project in mental toughness training. If you can cope through this I don't think theres much you cant. At least I feel well preparer because there are alot more um issued people out there in some shape or another and I've learned the danger of being too trusting. My parents had better advice. Think the worst and let them prove you wrong . Let's get on with out lives and be careful out there next time struggler. You'll be fine

[Struggler123]

Thanks spero and struggler.

Yes it has been one of the hardest things I've had to go through but I feel fortunate that life not only is starting again to be enjoyable without her (who would have thought?) :D but a sort of perverse BPD experience project in mental toughness training. If you can cope through this I don't think theres much you cant. At least I feel well preparer because there are alot more um issued people out there in some shape or another and I've learned the danger of being too trusting. My parents had better advice. Think the worst and let them prove you wrong . Let's get on with out lives and be careful out there next time struggler. You'll be fine

It is, and im really glad that you were able to take control of your life because your a completely more confident person. I think that its true people come in our life as lessons, its how we take it is what makes the outcome. I definitely agree with that, but I think that we should keep an open heart too, I think that the most beautiful people are those that have been through struggles, and still manage to love unconditionally. As for BPD, don't let them take away your innocence, trust but with caution, but don't become paranoid, because remember there are good people out there, sometimes we just get stuck with a wrong batch. And I think that at one point we have to be the stronger people, and forgive them not because they deserve it or not, but because our minds need peace. There are times when I hate her, and then I think to myself, hating her is exactly what she wants, and the truth is BPD may have won the battle of bringing us down, but its not winning the war of success, this is a second chance to be all that you wanted to be. Love yourself, and love will come to you. Hope I was able to help, and if you ever want to talk you know where to find me.

[Cromwell]

Thanks, and I agree completely with you, I once said interrupted her when she was in her "put you down" moment, I was in comparison having a great day otherwise, to say "you just want me to become as miserable as you are", and her face stalled as if to process that a fact had just been hit between her eyes.

People make a great deal of complexity out of things, but it really is simple, if someone or something is making you unhappy, and you can get them out of your life, do so as soon as possible. Its not like there isnt several billion other people to give a chance to. My problem was always giving the benefit of the doubt, trying to only see the "good" side and downplay the crap. In that way im grateful for going through this, i wont waste time in future on these types and its the same advice Id give anyone who is in that situation. It takes courage to walk away, after emotionally investing, and my BPDx ensured I had done so heavily, but it would have been far less of a torment long term than by sticking around - rescuing - or hoping for the days of the "good" person.

Funny how after all the betrayal, unwarranted hatred and painting black (did more for her than anyone else ever did), that it never made her in the medium to long term one bit happier. And yes I firmly believe that these types like my ex - whatever the reasons for ending up in their situation - have turned from bullied to bully as a choice. There are many examples of people who havent, because they know what it is like being on the receiving end. For this reason, I have zero patience or tolerance and I like how as each day goes on, I dislike this person more, not because ive painted her black, but because I see her for what she really was like, big difference.

and yes Struggler, they may have won the battle, not the war.