Son 18 w/BPD coming back home. bitter-sweet

[MusicDad]

My son has been gone for 2 months.  Just when my wife and our children (still living at home) have been able to get past the pain and confusion, and have adjusted to his sudden departure, now he's coming home.  He has agreed to our terms and boundaries.  He will finally have an opportunity to get help.  Why do I feel split on my emotions?  I love him but I do not want to go through this again.  I don't want my wife and his brothers and sister to go through this again.  I am afraid at some point, he will repeat this cycle.  I hope things will improve and I hope he gets some relief.  Hate to say it but after the initial shock wore off, it was kind of nice to have a relaxed household.  Everyone seemed to function better.  Now everyone is getting tense again knowing he is coming back.  We can't bare to go through this again. 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[once removed]

hey MusicDad 

i can imagine theres a great deal of anxiety around this development. trust and lean on the tools. revisit them ahead of time.

i was reading some of your story and i read that he had cut everyone off  . so what led to this? did he reach out? was there any explanation?

what are the terms and boundaries youve discussed?

and not to hit you with too many questions, but what sort of help does he have the opportunity to get?

[Faith Spring]

Hey I'm glad he's ok! And I would feel the same apprehension as you and your family.   I mean they say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly yet expecting different results.  So you're wise to be wary. 

But if you've changed somehow, if you're ready to reinforce your own boundaries then maybe things will be different.  I know how tempting it is to hope.  I know. 

[wendydarling]

Hi MusicDad

I too am glad to hear your son is ok and understand your feelings of trepidation.

We are here walking with you.

Things can get better   

WDx

[MusicDad]

He left chasing a girl he met on-line two states away.   Took a backpack and a phone.  Left everything behind, even a car he had just purchased.  He has agreed to try the mood stabilizer that was prescribed to him but never gave a chance.  We have insurance but therapy will be limited to what is available.  Have yet to find any CBT or DBT options in our network but we will inquire for sure.  He has agreed to leave the "darkness" behind.  No more cutting, occult talk, black metal music, make-up, hair dye, piercings, and no more vanishing from his family.  He has agreed to medication, therapy, and enrolling in college.  He has said he will get a job as well but that is not as important to me.  Once he gets more healthy then maybe he can hold a job for longer than two days, we'll see.

[wendydarling]

Hi MusicDad

He has agreed to try the mood stabilizer 
Have yet to find any CBT or DBT options in our network but we will inquire for sure.  He has agreed to leave the "darkness" behind. 
No more cutting, occult talk, black metal music, make-up, hair dye, piercings, and no more vanishing from his family. 
He has agreed to medication, therapy, and enrolling in college. 
He has said he will get a job as well but that is not as important to me. 
Once he gets more healthy then maybe he can hold a job for longer than two days, we'll see.

What comes first MD? He's in pain.

WDx