How Detached I've Become

[MeandThee29]

I recently had a lot of drama with my pwBPD because he was in town and were getting the house ready for sale. Yes, there were probably other ways of handling it other than having me be around, but time was limited. There was a lot to do, and he wanted to be involved with interviewing realtors. I currently STILL don't have full-time work and really, really need this house to sell.

I think he said he was going to file for divorce a dozen times. One time was especially brutal, but I pretty much gray rocked it and left him to finish up for several days once the parts I cared about were settled. I slept fine each night that he was in town. At one point he demanded that I completely cut off contact with our young adults forever and move where he is. No way.

Nothing from him for several weeks, then an email about a decision to be "kinder and more gentle." I went along with it because of the house sale stuff. My worry is that he would refuse to sign a contract, and we were getting a lot of questions about the house and expecting offers.

He got ugly again, and I decided not to reply to an email. We were countering-and-countering during this period, so then he emailed to ask why I wasn't replying to his email days before on our relationship. Thankfully just before that we accepted a final offer and signed.

So I said because I had enough of the ugliness. Brief and to the point. Why would I respond to vitriol about what a rotten wife and mother I am and how I'm going to have to make a complete change in those areas to reconcile? He replied that he was going no contact.

The house hopefully closes by the end of the month, and my financial worries will be eased. I have yet more applications in and an interview this week for a seasonal retail job that will pay the bills while I continue to network and look for something more appropriate for my background.

Now the fun part. He sent Mother's Day flowers with a card about what a caring, sensitive mom I am. I just laughed and texted a picture to several friends. They texted right back, REALLY? I took a picture and texted him "thank you" and called it a day. He texted back that he hopes that I have a great Mother's Day.

One of my kids is off with the military and can't send anything, and the other is helping out with expenses in every possible. I told her just to get me a card and call it a day. My older one will be able to call on Sunday.

So at least I got Mother's Day flowers and yet another confirmation of how contrary someone with BPD is. We're going to celebrate when the house settles too.

Life is good!

[Turkish]

Contrary is a good way of putting it,  and he may have really meant it and been sincere at the time.  Of course you know this can switch depending upon moods. Your response was perfect.

Here's to your home closing and you securing good work MeandThee29,

Happy Mother's Day 

Turkish

[gotbushels]

Hi MeandThee29   

Thank you for sharing. I join Turkish in wishing you well for the house and work. 

[MeandThee29]

Contrary is a good way of putting it,  and he may have really meant it and been sincere at the time.  Of course you know this can switch depending upon moods.

LOL. And I just got a friendly "how is everyone doing" email from him. The last email I got from him was condemning me to God's judgment for failing to honor my wedding vows. What is wrong with this picture?

I'm 99% sure this is coaching from his side of the family. Most of them including the patriarch truly, truly do NOT get it. They are flying monkeys, all right. When I've tried to tell them the truth they've said things like this:

-- Well, X does say that you have a lot of issues from your childhood.

-- I asked X about what you said, and he said that he never, ever would say something like that.

-- X is a kind and gentle person. You aren't appreciating that.

-- If you would just get your attitude right towards him, you two could make it.

-- X says he has no clue why you don't want to reconcile.

He puts forth a great face with his family, to say the least. I'm not going to let it spoil my day. Nope. I also put the flowers in the trash.

[rj47]

So at least I got Mother's Day flowers and yet another confirmation of how contrary someone with BPD is. We're going to celebrate when the house settles too.

Life is good!

Is it alright to offer up that this gave me a smile? 

Happy Mothers Day!

RJ

[Turkish]

It's sad that while as a society we've jumped to defend and believe tales of one type of abuse (#metoo), many like you are without support.

[heartandwhole]

MeandThee,

That’s a lot going on, and you are handling all the change well. Thanks for sharing. The back and forth from demon to angel can be really destabilizing because you have to always be on alert about what might come. That was so hard for me.

I hope the sale goes smoothly. It looks like you are moving forward with your life— I wish you much happiness as you journey to the next chapter in your story.  

heartandwhole

[Insom]

Hi, MeandThee29!  Congrats on how you handled things.  It sounds like the whole weekend went about as well as it could.

How are things this week?   Did you close yet?

[MeandThee29]

Unfortunately, we haven't closed. The market is hot here, and there were issues with getting the inspections and some minor repairs done. The weather limited one repair which should happen this week.

It's now scheduled for later this month, but the realtor says likely earlier. I'm eager, to say the least.

The retail job didn't come through because I can't unload pallets of mulch (LOL). They wanted someone who could do that at a moments notice in addition to work I could do. Oh well.

I do have some other feelers out and am working with a headhunter now. A friend helped me revise my online resume. I have one part-time gig that is getting us by, but it's very tight.

The week is off to a positive start. The landlord came with the plumber today, and a number of things got fixed on my rental that were annoying me. And the landlord and I had a great time chatting while he worked. We have a lot in common.