Daughter diagnosed with BPD. I'm frustrated and thinking of taking my own life.

[Favour]

Hello

I`m so emotionally exhausted, I feel like I don`t have strength left in me.My daughter has been dignosed with BPD and I really don`t know how to handdle the situation. It frustrate me not knowing what to do,she is very emotional with everything. She was hospitalized as she overdose herself, she has been to a psychiatric hospital for 3 weeks and taking her meds but it is not easy at all. At her school they don`t know how to handdle her even afrter I explain her condition to them. They still take what she does personally, she often come home with cuts on her hand from school.And she will be telling me she was very upset in class, I have no control over her triggers at school. I have the other two kids whom I feel I`m not giving them enough attention as I`m always stressed by her situation. Im forever fighting with my husband and blaming him for not giving her love and accepting her as his child. He is not her biological father, so everytime I would tell him to go and leave us alone. My marriage is really taking a strain and I don`t know what to do. I have been seeing a psychologist but I find myself being frustrated and thinking of taking my own life. It just too much to handdle for me, I bought books like Stop walking on eggshells and Loving someone with Borderline Personality Disorder. But you know the funny thing is that the more I read those books the more it feels like Im reading about myself. I can relate so much with what they say about BPD`s.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[heartandwhole]

Hi Favour,



Welcome to the community! I'm sorry to hear that things have been so difficult with your daughter. It is very understandable to feel frustrated and weak from the stress.   

You've found a great place for support. Parents here understand what you are going through. You are not alone.

I'm so glad to hear that you are seeing a therapist. That can really help. I'm sorry that you have been feeling so down that you are thinking of taking your own life? Have you spoken to the psychologist about your feelings?

What is the most difficult thing about the situation for you right now?

Do you have supportive friends or other family whom you can turn to? It's so important to get as much support around you as possible during times like these.

Keep posting. We are here to listen and support you. 

heartandwhole

[once removed]

hi Favour, i want to join heartandwhole and say

you do sound exhausted  . as sorry as i am for the circumstances that brought you here, im glad you found us. there is hope.

i want to second heartandwholes suggestion that self care is so critical. BPD can be so overwhelming for loved ones, and many come here in a state of hopelessness and depression. it gets better. a good therapist will really help, and likewise, so will a good support system. you dont have to do this alone.

how old is your daughter? how recently was she diagnosed?

[201lady]

I know how you feel. My wife and I are facing the same problem with our 42 yr old daughter that is living with us. Every night after drinking she goes into a rage. She swears at us and says that we loved her brother more than her.

I have set “limits” on her behavior. If she starts swearing at us. I leave the room and the house.  

Stop Walking on Eggshells is a good book as well as Loving One with BPD. I understand Essential Guidelines to Helping One with BPD is also very helpful.  

It is a real struggle. My wife and I are going to see a counselor next week as well as attend Al Anon. Very helpful talking with others.  

I am not sure how long we can stand her living with us. She is out of control emoitionaly . We never had any trouble with her growing up. She had friends in HS but has driven them away apparently. She was married 7 years and thought she would be contented but ended in quarrels and alcohol use on her part.

She has had several good jobs but has not worked in two years. She is finally looking for a job. She says she lived on her own during her Later part of HS years. We did attend as well as coach her brother’s sport teams but we did a lot together as a family. Complains we love him and not her .( not true). She is getting more out of control. And yet , here is a wonderful young woman that was so independent that she spent a year studying in England and touring Europe with friends. No doubt she has developed low self esteem. She has a hard time in a long distance relationship with her bf.  

Keeps saying she hates us and she is like she is because of us. She calls both of nasty names.  

I never ever expected this out of our daughter or son as well. Why now? She seemed well adjusted growin up. I know siblings of my brother’s sport teams might have been alone as well. We were always there for every concert and every show.  As I said, “. why now”. I pray for her inner healing. She is getting some counseling but it doesn’t seem to help. I know we need to cut off al financial help. We do pay for her car insurance and phone. I pray every night and day for her. Right now, staying in the fight to find the daughter we once knew. It sickness or health we love her unconditionally.

[Gorges]

Hello,
I am so sorry. I have not read the other responses to your post .But, I wanted you to know that I also felt that as I calmed down and learned more about BPD, I could see myself in the descriptions.  Chances are that there is a genetic and learned component to all this.  Add what they see on social media and you get a modern day BPD teenager.    I think that accepting that and working on yourself is what you need to do.   Once these kids are teenagers all we can do is impose limits and role model.  We cannot "fix" them.  They have to want that.   Please take care of yourself.  That is your number one job.  Try to figure out how to put some distance between your daughter and yourself and other families members so that you can regain your strength.  Getting to a better place is completely possible.  I am there now as is my daughter.